As Long as the New Kickboxer Has This Scene We’re OK with It

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So we’re 100% not OK with the news that they will be remaking one of the most classic martial arts movies of all time.  We’re of course talking about Kickboxer.  The absolute epic tale of two brothers, one of which gets crippled against an extremely dangerous fighter in Thailand called “Tong Po.”  The other brother (Jean Claude Van Damme) seeks revenge on Mr. Po and seeks out the ancient wisdom of some skinny little fellow name Zhien (no clue on the spelling).

Needless to say this is a mid 80s classic with so many Van Dammisms we really can’t count.  And now they’re remaking this thing?  Say it ain’t so Hollywood.   This is what we hear:

WWE star David Bautista and UFC champ Georges St. Pierre climb into the arena for the reboot of 1989 “Kickboxer.” Stunt man and martial artist Alain Moussi makes his debut as leading man in the film.The Exchange will be selling the remake at Cannes.

Pic will be directed by Stephen Fung (“Tai Chi Zero,” “Tai Chi Hero”) and produced by Ted Field and his Radar Pictures. Dimitri Logothetis and Nick Celozzi. Mike Weber and Peter Meyer will executive produce as well as Brian O’Shea, Jeff Bowler and Nat McCormick for the Exchange.

Please no.  A WWE star?  Really?  At least have The Rock in it or something.  Or how about Billy Blanks.  I’m sure he’s got some left in the tank.  All I can say is if they don’t remake this scene then there’s just no chance I can give it the go ahead.

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