He was the adorable little boy who uttered the lines “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina” and “my daddy’s a gynecologist and he looks at vaginas all day long” in Kindergarten Cop.  You might also remember him as the boring autistic kid in Mercury Rising.  His real name?  Miko Hughes.

This little guy had one of the most adorable faces known to Hollywood back in the late 80’s.  But amazingly enough the little shrimp grew up.  He’s now 23 years old and has facial hair (though I’d imagine still says the vagina line at parties).

What’s he up to now?  Amazingly enough you might have seen him in Tropic Thunder, yes Tropic Thunder.  He’s uncredited as a radio DJ.  He’s still acting a bit and has his own blog.   Word is he likes playing video games.

Isn’t that nice?

Remember cute little Bastian from Neverending Story?  How about D.A.R.Y.L?  How about Cocoon?  How about this frigging kid was in every movie in the 80’s that featured a 7-10 year old boy.  His real name is Barret Oliver and unfortunately as soon as the dude went through puberty and had a role in Cocoon II: The Return, his acting career was over.

So what’s the little gipper up to now?

In 1988 or 1989 he became a member of the Church of Scientology. In 1989 he was asked by Paul Bartel to take on the role of Willie Saravian in Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills. Here Barret broke new ground, as his role was that of a diseased teenager with sexual fantasies. This became his last known acting role as of early April 2008.

As of early April 2008, Oliver was working as a teacher of photography classes in Los Angeles, and Oliver was one of the 10 featured emerging photographers in the 2007 Silverstein Photography Annual (SPA).

Well how about that?  He’s still goofy looking though.

You all know and love this kid as “Junior” from Problem Child.  This annoying, yet kind of smart bowtied menace shook up theaters and families as the virtual son of Satan.  OK no he didn’t but did you ever wonder what happened to this kid?

Born Michael Oliverius in Los Angeles, California, Oliver’s career started at the age of 2. His first job was as a model in a Sears catalog. At age 6, he appeared in a Chevron commercial where he wore glasses and had his voice dubbed over. After seeing Oliver in the Chevron commercial, a casting agent for the film Problem Child tracked Oliver down and cast him in the role days later.

So what’s the little pain in the ass up to now?

Oliver has been involved as a crew member for The Samples and Nural music groups in recent years.  Which means he smokes a ton of pot and probably masturbates a ton.

Red heads are crazy

You all remember him right?  He was the second most annoying character in the history of Star Wars.  If you don’t think Jar Jar Binks was the most annoying then God help you.  But I have to say Jake Lloyd is not a distant second.  The kid couldn’t act, couldn’t speak well, had a bit of an attitude, and his cuteness simply did not win me over.

Speaking of cuteness.  I guess puberty got a hold of the little guy.  Pimples invaded his life and unfortunately the cuteness did not turn into dashing handsomeness.   And as you can see from the photo above, not shaving really doesn’t make you look cooler young Skywalker.

Amazingly enough this kid is in college already.  Jake attends Columbia College Chicago as a film and video major.  Something tells me we won’t be seeing him on the big screen any time soon.

Man did you annoy me in that movie Jake.  I’ll never forgive you.  You were cute.  I’ll give you that.  But man, what a buzzkill.

And no I’m not talking about Jonathan Taylor Thomas.  That dude was last seen in 2004 if memory serves, in an episode of Smallville.  I’m talking about the eldest of the three children from Tim the Toolman Taylor’s family.  The third kid (Taran Noah Smith)?  I’d have to think he’s blown up a few buildings by now.

But let’s talk about Brad.  We’d be referring to Zachary Ty Bryan.  He’s come a long way since wearing a securely fastened mullet and acting like the rebellious “cool” teenage son of a father who got to spend his working hours trying to coax Pamela Anderson into the sack.

What’s Zacky up to today?  He’s still an actor and still going strong.  Eh, maybe not going too strong.  He repeatedly parties with buddies and seems to get into trouble a lot.  Most recently this funny taser incident occured.  At least I think it’s funny.

He’s had some bit roles from time to time but hey, the kid’s making a living.  Good for you Brad.   Plus he’s working on a documentary with ESPN and he’s married?  OK this is just weird.  Documentary on what?

Remember the surfing movie North Shore?  I don’t know about you guys but I thought it rocked.   It was about a young Arizona boy’s quest to become a big time surfer.  He’s confronted by legendary Lance Burkheart (played by real surfer Laird Hamilton) and other surfers from around the world who make him realize it’s not such an easy task.

And of course, the gorgeous Nia Peeples plays his love interest.  This movie remains a cult classic but unfortunately I don’t know what remained of its star, Matt Adler.  You may remember him from Teen Wolf and Whitewater Summer but other than that?

The most recent photo I found of him was from the year 2000 with current wife Laura San Giacomo.  Adler’s last role was in The Day After Tomorrow as a truck radio announcer.

I’m assuming he’s burrowed himself heavily into Giacomo’s way more than averaged sized cleavage.  Here’s to your 80’s success Mr. Adler.

There are a few reasons I bring up Kent from Real Genius.  One.  That movie was amazing.  Two.  He was in Bachelor Party and hung naked in a sheet.  And Three.  I couldn’t believe that it was him in the movie Michael Clayton.

But who is Robert Prescott anyway?  Well, according to Wikipedia

Robert Prescott is an American actor who has starred in various roles in film and on television. He is best known for his role as Kent Torokvei in the 1985 hit comedy film Real Genius. He also starred in the 1984 comedy film Bachelor Party as Cole Whittier, and appeared in the 1987 Mel Brooks hit comedy Spaceballs in a cameo as the Sand Cruiser Driver.

He was in Spaceballs?   That just made my day.  But he’ll always be known as Kent to me. Unfortunately there’s not much on him now.  He’s still acting.

But let’s give a shout out to Kent!  “Kent, have you been masturbating again?

Does anyone remember the classic 1985 Karate movie The Last Dragon?  It was a movie based in Harlem that showcased two competing masters of martial arts.  The star, Leroy Brown, played by Taimak is to save the lovely Laura Charles (played by Vanity) from an evil media mogul.

But in order to do so he must face Shonuff (played by Julius Carry).   I can’t tell if this movie was more of a spoof or a 100% racially profiled movie.  You see Asian guys trying to act like black hip hop rap guys from the 80’s.  Then they make fun of a black guy for trying to be Asian!

And since when are the rulers of Harlem Karate masters?  Wouldn’t a gun settle all of this?  In any event it’s still a classic (plus William H. Macy is in this movie).   So whatever happened to Leroy Brown anyway?

Well, Taimak appeared as a Bartender in Beverly Hills 90210 in 1999-2000.   He’s now 44 years old and seems to be alright.  Still acting and still doing martial arts.  I wonder if he still has the Golden Glow.  He may have had to give the Golden blow a few times though.

You all know him. You all must have been annoyed with him. Here he is, Brian Backer, the guy that played loser Mark Ratner in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. How many times did you want to punch this guy in the face in that movie? He’s the every day loser. Too sensitive, too much of a wuss, no balls.

Somehow he winds up with Stacy, but of course at the end of the movie you see the “they still haven’t done it” caption. What a pathetic character. And after having seen Police Academy 4 for the 16th time it made me wonder what Backer’s been up to…

Amazingly enough this guy is 52 years old now. And how about this? He won a Tony award in 1981. Well way to go Brian!

Two things that were very funny to me. One, he directed an episode of “Growing Pains” in 1991 which means he must have said “Boner” 50 times and two, he played a doctor in the movie Loser in 2000. Pretty appropriate movie title for him don’t you think? 2000 was the last year I could find of him doing anything. I think he’s a director now.

However, I’m also guessing at present he sits at home and masturbates to the “You know how cute I always thought you were” Phoebe Cates scene more than anyone on the planet.