The only time I’ve ever seen someone pull off an eye patch and enjoyed it was in Seinfeld when Kramer wore one.  “I wanna be a pirate.”  But in real life?  I think people should be beat up on the spot for wearing one and not even really needing to wear one.

This guy?  Yeah I know he’s being a tool on purpose but still.  That doesn’t change the fact that he wears extremely lame sunglasses below.  And that leads me to believe what I believe about all the guys I post in this section.

Pure dumbass

Let this sink in for a moment:

There once was a time when this “person” was a baby.  His mother held him tight with visions of this child growing up to be a wonderful man.  To bear this woman grand children that she could love and nourish so that they too could grow up and be successful.

Imagine what this mother must be feeling now.

Gee I hope I can!

Is it me or does this guy completely remind you of Alex Rodriguez?  There’s no chance these guys don’t tan together in the offseason.

A-Rod!

Look, I understand Myspace basically letting everyone through to make a profile.  It’s kind of like when you go into an age verification on a porn site.  I mean what 13-Year-Old is really going to click the “no” button?

But when someone goes as far as to actually post multiple pictures of themselves as a 27-year-old and they look like this?  Well then you’re either just a complete moron or some kind of dwarf.

Clean it up Myspace and get this kid off.

1.  Someone please explain this picture to me.

2.  Someone please explain the sticking the tongue out pictures.  I don’t get them.  I never will.  Is it supposed to mean you’re good at oral sex or something?  What the hell is going on here?

3.  Someone please get a pistol so I can put it in my mouth and pull the trigger if this is really the future of our nation.

He’s a DJ that calls himself Nissim.  He also calls himself Mr. Israeli.  Mr. Nissim also has a real affinity for the police.  Just check out his myspace URL and you’ll know what I mean.

Other than that?  He weighs 40 lbs soaking wet and 100% looks like a transvestite woman.  So I guess taking pictures with your own cell phone with your tongue sticking out doesn’t really fare well.

Eh, I guess it does if you’re on the casual encounters section on Craigslist which this guy HAS to be.

Israel!

This guy calls himself the model dater.  And all of his pictures, comments are what I assume to be some kind of instruction manual on who this guy actually is.

As if he’s this dude that dates a lot and breaks tons of young philly hearts.  Really?  Is that who you are pal?  Or are you the guy that goes around messaging every single female’s Myspace Profile hoping that one of them bites?

Because I know for a fact that’s exactly what you do.

Heart breaker my ass

You know what?  I don’t even think I can make fun of this kid.  I feel like he’s just a lost soul.  A child with no direction whose let all the Myspace Toolboxes of the world take hold of him.

And you know something?  I don’t blame the little guy.  You see these girls with silver lipstick, short skirts, and beers in their hand messing around with other dudes with spiked hair, earrings and chains.  So naturally your inclination is to be one of these guys.

It’s a vicious cycle Lombardi.

I’m not quite sure I know what Jay Wiggz means?  Does it mean this guy is notorious for throwing on wigs at parties?  I mean I guess that could be kind of a “thing” right?  Yet I see one wig in this guy’s entire photo gallery.

The rest of the pictures are fish face tough guy poses and crappy sunglasses.  Typical.  I don’t even have the strength to criticize today.  I think after a year of posting these people I’m running out of steam.

Jay Wiggz, blah blah blah