Think you’ve been hammered before?  I’ll bet you haven’t been this drunk…

On Nov.1, at 1:18 a.m., Tpr. E. J. Page responded to the 30000 block of Three Notch Road in Charlotte Hall for the reported Check Welfare of a person lying on the ground in the rain.

Upon arrival, contact was made with Dale Lee Buckler, Jr., 20 of Brandywine, who was extremely intoxicated.  Mechanicsville Volunteer Rescue Squad was dispatched and arrived at the scene.  Buckler refused treatment and began yelling obscenities at everyone assisting.  He was placed under arrest and Buckler continued yelling obscenities at the Rescue Squad personnel.  As he was being transported to the St. Mary’s County Detention Center he began kicking the dashboard of Tpr. Page’s patrol vehicle.  Tpr. Page stopped in Mechanicsville and transferred Buckler to a caged patrol vehicle to be transported

Look, I know it’s not funny when you’re a police officer and you have to detain someone who is being this ridiculous.  But let’s face it folks.  If I were 20 years old again, back at college in New Orleans and I got so drunk that I had to be put in a cage?  Do you realize how much ass that story would get you?

Not to mention the amount of awesome nicknames your buddies would give you.  I mean any time the word cage gets mention you’d get some awesome nod from your boys.

Again though, sorry police guys.  Oh well.

[Via The Bay Net]

Come on ladies, lighten up!

Last week the six plaintiffs settled with Ruby Tuesday’s Stroudsburg restaurant for $225,000.

General Manager Christopher Mendoza made sexually charged remarks to adult and teen female employees. Sometimes he also remarked about customers, according to the complaint filed in August 2008.

Looking at a pregnant customer, Mendoza allegedly said: “She must be really horny. My wife was always horny. I am surprised my kids don’t have problems with all the times we’ve had sex,” the complaint states.

Gydosh said that from August 2006 onward, Mendoza repeatedly made embarrassing sexual remarks about her body, such as “your breasts look good today” or “your breasts look really nice.”

According to the complaint, Mendoza constantly told Gydosh that she was “hot” and that he wanted to “make a porn video” with her.

Oh come on Gydosh!  What’s wrong with that?  Take it as a compliment honey.  You should be damned proud of the fact that you are porn worthy.  Then again, there are fetishes of all kinds and for all I know Mendoza could be in the “I dig chicks with one leg” circle of life.

Still though, at least be happy he wanted you in that way.

And let’s get something straight.  There’s no chance Mendoza used the word “breasts.”  Clearly he said “tits.”  There’s just no other way.

[Via Poconorecord]

Are these people proud of themselves?

An unusual Halloween charity race has set a world record.

The organizers of the Denver Gorilla Run say the 1,061 people ran 3.5 miles dressed as gorillas. That was enough to set a Guinness World Record for the most people in gorilla costume.

The annual Halloween race raises money for the Mountain Gorilla Conservation Fund. The fund raises money to continue the work of Dian Fossey, whose research was the subject of the movie “Gorillas in the Mist.”

I actually talked about this with a buddy of mine the other day.  Did you know that people all across this country spend years, yes YEARS trying to accomplish the dumbest world records you can imagine?

Like these people work way harder than they would at their jobs just trying to make the biggest rubber band ball, or most holes in testicles.  You know, fun stuff like that?

How about focusing energy on stuff that might be a little more important?  At least it was only on Halloween.

This just disturbs the hell out of me.

A satanist obsessed with teenage schoolgirls invented a fake gothic society online to groom them for sex in the grounds of Sydney’s Rookwood Cemetery.

Daniel William Peckham, 24, lured at least three girls, aged from 13 to 17, into the cemetery on his MySpace blog, “Rookwood Gothic Society”.

A message on the site read: “If you have hang-ups about getting naked … you are not welcome.”

Peckham pleaded guilty yesterday to the aggravated sexual assault of a 15-year-old girl and to using the internet to solicit and transmit naked pictures of young girls between 2005 and 2007.

Not only is there everything wrong with luring teens to sex from your disgusting online little hole in general but when you add a goth twist to it, it’s even worse.

It’s like it’s one thing to have penchant for hot teens.  But what are you going all Emo on them and stuff?  Yuck.  I’d rather just jerk off to the Sear’s catalog and have it all be legal.

I mean come on guys, this can’t be more obvious can it?

A 44-year-old woman hurled death threats and racial slurs at a deputy and said her father belonged to the KKK after she was stopped Wednesday morning for making an illegal left, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.

Julie Edwards Hubbard, of Crescent City, was arrested on charges of corruption of a public servant or family by threat, battery on a law enforcement officer and obstructing an officer without violence

Let’s face it team, one look at this woman and you’ve gotta be thinking one of two things: Complete Dyke or “Kind of Woman that would spit in your face.”

I’m pretty sure there’s no in between here.

Is it me or is stuff like this happening pretty much every day now?

A “typographical error” resulted in the recall of student T-shirts at Linda Vista Elementary School’s recent jog-a-thon, after a parent called the phone number printed on the back of the shirts and was connected to an adult chat line.

T-shirts were handed out to all students participating in the Oct. 16 jog-a-thon during recess and recalled before students left at the end of the day, Principal Jackie Howland said. The school believes that all of the T-shirts were retrieved, but parents were called just in case, Howland said.

The T-shirts featured the school mascot – a lion – running with a 1-800 number featuring words instead of numbers.

The number was written as a cute slogan for the jog-a-thon, but turned out to be an actual number, said Rosemary Gladden, public information officer for Placentia-Yorba Linda Unified School District.

Unfortunately the article failed to release what the slogan is but I’m sure we can all take a guess as to what it might have been.  Cock?  Ball?  The F word?  I mean lets get real here parents, someone was having fun with this.

Word is that parents were understanding.  My guess is because they were either laughing their asses off or most of them were busy getting off by having phone sex.

I guess when you grow into being one of the 5 largest websites in the entire world, it’s usually time to upgrade your office facilities.  And it appears that’s what Facebook has done.

The social networking giant has taken up a pretty large space in the California city.   I wouldn’t say it’s as fun or badass as the Google offices I’ve seen but it’s still quite a step up for this company.

Pictures after the jump

Continue Reading »

A Wyoming man has been charged with counterfeiting money to pay an exotic dancer for a private performance.

Fifty-year-old Rickey A. Kempter faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted.

Court documents say Kempter told investigators that he made the bills on a printer in his home, but that he planned to go home and get real money to pay the dancer.

Yup, I’m sure that’s exactly what he was planning on doing.  Going home and getting real money.   How awesome would it be if this guy actually got 20 years in prison for this?

Do NOT mess with strippers.

Finally a drunk driving story with a pretty happy ending:

A police chase that started in Standish ended after a crash in Baldwin, with the driver being run over by his own vehicle, according to the Cumberland County Sheriff’s Office.

Kenneth Wright, 27, of Depot Road in Baldwin got out of the pickup and tried to run, but he neglected to put it in park and the truck rolled over him, Goulet said. The internal report on the incident does not indicate what part of Wright the truck rolled over, Goulet said

All we hear about these days are drunk drivers killing people are injuring folks other than themselves.  It’s nice to see a dumb schmuck get hit by his own car for a change.

The best part is that the guy still tried to run but got tasered by the cop.  So we have drunk driving, an idiot being run over by his own car, and then him getting tasered for trying to escape.

That’s one hell of a report.