You’ve got your Ryan Leaf’s out there. You’ve got your Sam Bowie’s out there. When is the last time you’ve heard of these guys other than in a “biggest draft busts” conversation? The answer is pretty much never (Man do I feel like I’m doing an HBO Sports segment right now). But what about the guys that make something of themselves after football?

We’ve seen the story of Lenny Dykstra and how he owns all of his carwashes. Lenny is considered a stock guru by many despite him still being a complete dick. But what about Heath Shuler? Can’t this guy get his own HBO Special? I mean this guy went from total bust in the NFL to real estate Mogul, to congressman, to yacking it up with dudes like Bill Clinton.

I just want to give a quick shout out to North Carolina Democratic congressman Heath Shuler. A fine American and proof that if you fail in the NFL, there is life after football.

Plus, imagine this guy in a congress flag football game. Democrats, 50. Republicans, nil.

Paid for by Lenny’s Car Wash.

Jevon at Donovan McNabb’s White party back in ‘04

From Nashville: “Tennessee Titans defensive end Jevon Kearse has been arrested and charged with driving under the influence following a traffic stop near the Vanderbilt University campus.

Vanderbilt spokesman Jim Patterson said Kearse was stopped early Sunday morning after campus police reported seeing the SUV that Kearse was driving weaving across the road.”

What the article fails to tell us is that Kearse was clearly scoping out Vanderbilt’s women. What else could he have possibly been doing? It’s late, your near campus, and you’re driving drunk. The only other thing I could imagine is that he might have been looking for a Taco Bell.

And just for good measure, check out these Miami Spring Break 2006 pics. Jevon knows what’s up.

Reuter’s reports:

“Austria drew first blood on Sunday when their topless women’s soccer team beat Germany 10-5.

The traditional swapping of shirts afterwards was not an option as the six-a-side teams wore nothing but thongs, with the national colors painted on to their bare skin.”

Best comment in the entire article?

“I was supposed to hold the balls but I really have no idea how to do that,” said German keeper Jana Bach.

Unfortunately there weren’t too many SFW pictures. To see the real NSFW pics of the event you can check out the articles at Funtasticus and the Slanch Report.

“Wanna do it on the moon Stanley?”

From Reuters: An Italian couple who were caught having sex in a church confessional box while morning Mass was being said have repented and made peace with the local bishop.

The couple, in their early 30s, were detained by police earlier this month after they had made love in the confessional box in the cathedral in northern Cesena. They were cautioned for obscene acts in public and disturbing a religious function.

Their lawyer said they had been drinking all night and realized they had gone too far.

The report managed to leave out the part about how peace was actually made by the Bishop and the couple.

Turns out the couple are parents to a 10 year old boy and it also turns out that blow jobs in confessional booths are a lot more common that you think.

One of the last shipments to a U.S. research base in Antarctica before the onset of winter darkness was a year’s supply of condoms, a New Zealand newspaper reported Monday.

Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them.

Are there convenience stores readily available in hundreds of square mile drifts of ice? I was not aware of this. I would think you’d be trying to prevent your penis from freezing off before heading to the Arctic’s 7-11.

Well, at least we now know that 125 scientists will have to use up 16,500 pieces of frozen rubber.

6′10, great leaper, former terp, this guy doesn’t look dangerous at all

It’s nice to know that on the day of the NBA Finals yet another player was arrested on weapons charges. According to the Seattle Times, “Sonics forward Chris Wilcox was arrested Saturday by the Bladen County Sheriff’s Department in North Carolina and charged with two counts of carrying a concealed weapon.”

And in all honesty that’s really all I wanted to report. I think it’s much better of us to focus on some of the brighter points to the Seattle Sonics Organization: namely their cheerleaders.

The girls Chris Wilcox tried to conceal after the jump

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And yet more strange crimes come out of Colorado. Two guys decided to rob a convenience store and use none other than women’s thongs for their masks. Of all the things you can use, you decided on thongs?

Are you that desperate for vagina that you need an underwear covering your mouth? Go get a hooker before the robbery and then get a real mask. And at least have the sense to cover up the camera guys.

If I were to rob a store I think I’d use the President’s mask a la Point Break. Those were pretty bad ass.

As I was watching Kimbo Slice virtually rip a guy’s ear off this weekend, it dawned on me that he has a striking resemblance to one of my all-time favorite wrestlers: The Junkyard dog.

They may not look exactly the same but come on. Kimbo moved his way up through internet backyard fighting. The guy fought anywhere, anytime in pretty strange conditions. It’s just a JYD vibe.

The Junkyard Dog’s real name was Sylvester Ritter. Unofrtunately Ritter passed away in 1998 (in a car crash, not steroids) but it would have been amazing if this guy came out and managed Kimbo Slice posing as his father.

I think the only fair thing to do would be to have Kimbo Slice start wearing a giant chain around his neck, a shirt immortalizing the JYD, and his new walk out song to be “Another One Bites the Dust.”