A Wyoming man has been charged with counterfeiting money to pay an exotic dancer for a private performance.

Fifty-year-old Rickey A. Kempter faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted.

Court documents say Kempter told investigators that he made the bills on a printer in his home, but that he planned to go home and get real money to pay the dancer.

Yup, I’m sure that’s exactly what he was planning on doing.  Going home and getting real money.   How awesome would it be if this guy actually got 20 years in prison for this?

Do NOT mess with strippers.

Finally a drunk driving story with a pretty happy ending:

A police chase that started in Standish ended after a crash in Baldwin, with the driver being run over by his own vehicle, according to the Cumberland County Sheriff’s Office.

Kenneth Wright, 27, of Depot Road in Baldwin got out of the pickup and tried to run, but he neglected to put it in park and the truck rolled over him, Goulet said. The internal report on the incident does not indicate what part of Wright the truck rolled over, Goulet said

All we hear about these days are drunk drivers killing people are injuring folks other than themselves.  It’s nice to see a dumb schmuck get hit by his own car for a change.

The best part is that the guy still tried to run but got tasered by the cop.  So we have drunk driving, an idiot being run over by his own car, and then him getting tasered for trying to escape.

That’s one hell of a report.

This is completely random and I don’t care.  Any of you folks who live in New York City might want to take note of this.  I’m not being paid to write this post.  I just have to mention it.

For the best, and I mean by far the best Veal Parmesan in New York City you have to go to the restaurant Tre Colori on 47th between Broadway and 8th.  It’s not even close.  There’s no restaurant that can compete with this veal.  It’s for lack of a better word, Uncoached.

P.S. All their food is amazing.  And for two people getting a glass of wine, apps, meal, and one dessert for around 80 bucks you just can’t beat that.

Just take it from my buddy Nick, he’s hooked.  Hey buddy!

According to TMZ the other day

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has finally caught wind of his wife’s illegal — and habitual — cell phone antics … and now he’s finally gonna do something about it!

Apparently Arnold went on Twitter and dropped the following note to Harvey Levin:

“Thanks for bringing her violations to my attention. There’s going to be swift action.”

What exactly is the swift action going to be?  According to the state ban it’s a 20 dollar fine for the first offense and a 50 dollar fine for the second.  So again, what exactly is he going to do here?  Take away her allowance?

Personally I think he should threaten to narrow Maria’s jaw line.  But that’s just me.

Or perhaps Maria should remind Arnold of the photo above and more than likely the million times he’s smoked pot since.  Gotta keep your man on a leash Maria.

Those Democrats — they never learn … right Arnold

This can’t be real….

Parents of pupils at St John’s Girls National School in Carrigaline received a letter with the request last week.  Principal Catherine O’Neill wrote: “Dear parent, from time to time we will request your daughter to bring in a toilet roll to her class teacher.

“These rolls will be specifically for your daughter’s class and will be dispensed by the class teacher.”

She added: “We would also request that your daughter has tissues in her sack at all times.”

The Republic of Ireland’s public finances have been battered in the economic downturn, and education has not escaped unscathed.

I only have two words I can say to this, and I mean it in the most pun way I can possibly imagine:

HOLY SHIT!

A mythical Swedish town where men are barred from entering and women turn to homosexuality has piqued the interest of several Chinese media outlets

The town, supposedly founded in 1820 in the northern Swedish woods by a wealthy widow, boasts 25,000 residents and a medieval castle, according to the Chinese news agency Xinhua.

A pair of blonde female sentries stand guard at the unnamed town, referred to in reports as “Chako Paul City”, and men wishing to enter risk being “beaten half to death” by police

How in the world has this been a secret for this long?  And even if it’s not true, there are some horny Chinese out there huh?  I mean these guys refuse to believe that this town doesn’t exist.

I gotta say, I really want to meet the members of Xinhua.  You know some crazy shit must go on in their offices….

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From Lehighvalleylive

A Ross Township woman who keeps exotic animals as pets was killed this evening after she was attacked by her pet black bear, an official with the Pennsylvania Game Commission said.

Tim Conway, the game commission’s information educational supervisor for the northeast region, said Walz went inside the bear’s 15-by-15-foot steel and concrete cage to clean it and feed the bear.

Conway said he wanted to stress this was not a free-roaming bear and the public was not in any danger. Also kept at the house are a Bengal tiger and an African lion. Both of those animals were licensed by the state to be kept as pets, Conway said.

Two things.  First of all I’m not denying that this is a tragic death and my heart goes out to Kelly Ann Walz’s family.  But I mean come on guys.  Is this a surprise?  When you have a 350lb “pet” with razor claws and teeth that can cut through glass, you might not want to have too much alone time with it.   It’s like when Sigfried and Roy were attacked.  Was that really a surprise?  I mean you’re slapping a tiger in the face for Christ’s sake.  I would say sooner or later they’ll get kind of pissed.

Number two:  What the article fails to mention is that it’s more than likely this bear will get slaughtered.  And there’s absolutely no reason that it should.

You just have to love this…

A Redding teenager who ran from an officer during a traffic stop this afternoon was found hiding inside a refrigerator at a Montera Lane residence.

An officer stopped the 17-year-old driver for a speeding violation on Montera Lane just off Churn Creek Road about 4:25 p.m., Cpl. Bill Forrest said.

The boy ran away and the officer lost track of him after he climbed over a fence in the area of DeMoll Drive and Montera Lane.

I mean you have the ability to actually get away from the cops.  You gotta be happy about that.  Just getting away from the cops is a pretty solid feat in itself.

You lose track of the guy and then you go and hide in a refrigerator?  That’s kind of like winning a really tough game of chess against a smart player and than shaking his balls instead of his hand at the end of the match.

Way to go buddy.

Sarasota County Sheriff’s deputies say 47-year-old Gary Mitchell planted several bushes along the front sidewalk of the home he’s renting, located at 5293 Old Ashwood Drive, in Sarasota. The bushes run along the sidewalk and along portions of the county right of way, just east of his property line, according to the sheriff’s office.

Monday, one of his neighbors, Teal Fowler, noticed that there were several razor blades sticking to the branches of his bushes. Fowler took pictures and talked to Mitchell about it. She called the sheriff’s office she says because she was afraid someone would get cut. “There’s children. There’s pets. There’s quite a few people who access the sidewalk.”

You see?  This is just a case of taking it in your own hands.  And you know what?  Screw all these passer by people who think they can just go ahead and touch Gary’s bushes.  If it weren’t illegal I’d definitely do the same thing.

Even his neighbor Fowler admitted that Mitchell is a “wonderful” neighbor.  Yes, I hope I can have wonderful neighbors like Gary.  Hopefully I’ll get some sort of a nice poison in my mailbox.

Maybe my new neighbor can cover his lawn in dog shit so that I’m not allowed to walk on it.  Neighbors rule.