I’ve seen lists of the worst videos of all time.  Take this one for example.   I mean come on.  Did these guys really do their research?  When you’re talking bad videos do you really want to refer to songs that were hits at the time?  I don’t think that’s such a good idea.

When you’re thinking of crappy music videos crappy music generally tends to be the forerunner to it all.   Not only that, commercially successful bands generally don’t make videos that are super awful (unless you count David Hasselhoff who is on this list).

In any event, I’ve looked at lists, seen the tapes, and have come up with my own batch of videos that is going to be tough to beat.

Here are my top ten worst videos of all time

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As most of you know I’m a huge fan of the old Jean Claude Van Damme classics.  Well it certainly doesn’t get any better than Bloodsport.  And perhaps one of the more overlooked features of this movie is the sick soundtrack.

I mean you really can’t mess with “Kumite.”  But on the softer and more sensitive side, we have “On my Own” by the coveted Paul Delph.

This is the song they use when Van Damme is roaming the streets on his own having nightmares about Chong Li.

It’s a real tearjerker.

There’s really not much else to say.  Talk about awesome rap songs.  This is just one of the toughest songs around.  By the way, really dig into the lyrics.  They’re unmatched.

I really miss the movie New Jack City.  Well, I don’t miss it much.  I mean I can rent it tomorrow.  Not a big deal.  Ice T!

Eh, whatever.  Still a cool song.

Now I never said the video was good.  This has got to be the gayest monstrosity on the face of the earth.  And when I say gay I almost think that homosexuals would not even be offended that I just used the word gay.

I mean this video is just super fruity.  Still though, this tune kicks.  It really moves doesn’t it?  Admit it.  Even you, guys.  Put this bad boy in your IPod and I guarantee there will be an extra bounce in that step.

Whatever happened to Right Said Fred?

For some reason since the age of 15 I’ve loved dance music.  And I’m specifically talking about Progressive Trance.  Unfortunately the only other people that like this wear really orange puffy pants and sunglasses where the lenses are blue.

While I wasn’t on ecstasy and drinking 6 gallons of water, I was actually dancing to this stuff in all the New York Clubs.  But I’m telling you, when the bass is up and you’ve got the headphones on, this music rules.

And there’s no better way to start a person off than with DJ Tiesto.  That or Paul Oakenfold’s Tranceport.

You see this is how I do.  To entertain the lot of you I must really get down and dig deep.  I’ve gotta put it all on the line.  I have to search the depths of my soul to come up with search terms that will yield the best material I can find.

So what do I decide to type into Youtube this time?  Yeah, “bikini bong.”  And the first video that comes up?  I have no idea what this is.  I think it’s some random music video called “666MPH” by Bong Ra?  Who cares.  It rules.

There was a time when Michael Jackson looked real.  There was a time when he was bigger than life.  There was a time that the mere sight of this guy would send people (women and men mind you) into faint.  There was a time when the only way he could leave a concert was in a damned jet pack.

The man was that popular.  Now?  Unfortunately now I don’t think he’ll be remembered as that.  I doubt he’ll be remembered as perhaps the biggest musical performer ever.  He’s gonna go down as a fake looking dude who probably sleeps with children.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s gross and I certainly think it’s about the worst thing any adult could do.  But it’s a shame that he’s so messed up because he really was a fantastic music star.

In that light, here are my buddy Matt’s top five Michael Jackson videos (with his commentary)

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When you really think about it, it’s kind of impossible to top Woodstock.  Granted I never went to Woodstock, but I’ve heard about Woodstock.  My father, who was kind of a hippie back in his day. attended Woodstock.  And to this day, he can’t necessarily remember much, but he certainly remembers the good stuff.

Namely the fact that you had a gathering of not only thousands of people who wanted to do nothing more than smoke drugs, have sex and listen to music….but you also had an absolutely Hall of Fame collection of bands all in one place at the same time.

Sure we have Lollapalooza and other “All-Star Band” gatherings, but come on team.  Let’s not kid ourselves.  Woodstock was the creme de la creme and I personally don’t think it will ever be matched.  In honor of  1969′s Woodstock,  Life Magazine shared some amazing pictures of the event.

And here they are

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I’m actually a little disappointed seeing this video because these guys couldn’t look any weaker if they tried.  But what do you expect in a song that features bagpipes, Irish countryside and mopeds?

Despite all of this, I think “Big Country” is an underrated song of the 8o’s.  Enjoy it, and enjoy the rest of your day!  Yay!  Yahoo! Whoooo!