The 69th Annual Golden Globes were held tonight – and yes, we’re laughing at the number too. It’s a night when Hollywood’s elite come together and drink champagne, mingle amongst each other, and pray to God that the host doesn’t roast them.

But while watching these stars flaunt their stuff and read from a teleprompter, it got us thinking – “Could we ever win a Golden Globe?” I mean, there’s success stories every year of people who are unknowns, somehow falling into a Producer’s lap, and next thing we know is on the cover of every mag talking about how they’re the next big thing.

We’re not necessarily thinking about quitting our day jobs – or night jobs for that matter, but if we were, this is how we’d plan on winning a Golden Globe.

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If there’s one thing I really can’t tolerate it’s waiting in a long line.  In fact I have some friends who simply won’t wait in a long line.   As in literally won’t do it.  I have tremendous respect for this.  It’s tough to actually say you’ll institute this policy in your life and actually do it.  If you pull it off, more power to you.

However, as a married man, from time to time you are kind of forced into these line situations against your own will.   So whenever I find myself on a really long line I do the best I can to not get pissed off.

Here are five ways how….

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Ahh, your High School reunion. A time for everyone – or 50 people – from your class to spend time together, catch-up on each other’s lives, and get absolutely tanked once again like the good ol’ days.

Problem is, with the social world we live in now, it’s nearly impossible not to already know that the captain of the football team has already gone bald, your Chemistry crush was knocked up by two different dudes, and sadly, the dude everyone used to call Klitz, has ironically made it big in the porn world.

No need to fret though… actually, yes there is! There’s absolutely a terrific reason to be pissed off. Look, we go back for our reunion for one reason: to get hammered and hope to hook-up with rando’s we graduated with. If we already know what’s going on in their lives, it’s like we’ve prescreened everything and the adventure’s gone. It’s like Match.com or something.

We’re not happy Facebook’s taken this from us, and here are a couple reasons why you should be mad too.

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Just the other day I found myself in a public place that I don’t normally go to.  It was a food court in a mall.   Appearance wise, most people looked pretty “normal.”   However, it made me think about some of the public places I’ve been and some of the craziest and “crappiest” looking people I’ve come across.

I then realized there were some places where I always saw this “crappy” element.   Actually though, it’s not necessarily crappy as much as it is the reality of what our society looks like.

Here are five places you can be sure to find the real “human” element of society….

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It’s definitely hard work, but we’re convinced that being an actor would be the greatest job in the world. You get to travel the globe, make a ton of money, typically date smokin’ hot girls, and be remembered for some of the greatest moments in cinematic history!

Sure we’d all want to be Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump, or Leo DiCaprio in Titanic, but to be honest, just having a small role would be wicked.

Since we all have those movies that we find ourselves saying, “Man, that dude’s so cool,” we figured those are the parts we’d want. The ones that no matter how dope you think you are in real life, you’ll never even be close to in movie terms.

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I know that we’re still about a month away from the coveted Superbowl but that doesn’t mean we can’t start mentally preparing for it.    Hell I’m excited for it.  Aren’t you guys?  Only thing that sucks is that by the time we reach the game we’ll probably have had about 6 blizzards and I’ll be so tired of shoveling that the game will be in my rear view thinking process.

Still though, nothing wrong with getting together our little wish lists for those throwing Superbowl parties.

Here are seven things you should be looking for this year….

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Whether you’re popping in a flick or headed to the theatre, there’s always those people that think they’re the only ones around. Fact is, you’re probably not sitting alone, so use some manners.

It’s great to be the life of the party, but if the party decides to stay in and watch a movie that night, then enjoy it. You don’t want to be the dude that annoys everyone all the time!

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There are some laws that will simply never get passed in this country.   And for the most part, these laws won’t get passed not because they will make our country better but because they will interfere with critical financial responsibilities.   It’s a sad truth but it’s a truth nonetheless.

I mean think about smoking.   You think that industry would ever get shut down even though our country and everyone on the planet knows that cigarettes are bad for you?  I mean when you look at it like a simpleton it makes zero sense that something that dangerous would be legal and yet people are puffing it up all the time.

I’m not trying to write an essay or preach here.   I don’t want to get into a 6 page long discussion on this.  I’m just saying I think there are certain laws we could have in this country that would simplify things and make our society run a bit more smoothly.

Here are four that come to mind….

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Well, that National Championship was miserable. Two games between Bama and LSU this year, and it took until just under five minutes left in the game to finally score a touchdown between them? Give us a break! That goes without saying it was the first shutout in a BCS Title Game. Thanks for wasting three hours of our lives!

Look, we know the SEC is the best conference in the country – when you win the last six titles, there’s absolutely no argument. But can a brother get some offense… PLEASE!?!?!

We love close games that come down to a last second field goal, but what we saw tonight, was absolutely boring as all hell. It basically didn’t live up the hype.

Unfortunately, it’s not the only one – and won’t be the last. So add tonight’s game to this group of other absolute stinkers.

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