I’m gonna go ahead and start with the underlying truth that I am a heterosexual male.  Does it mean that I love chewing tobacco and fixing trucks?  No.  Does it mean that I wear pink shirts with the collar up?  No.  So I’m not a super male, but I’m certainly not a meterosexual.  I’m just your normal dude.

The reason I bring this up is that I’m not ashamed to admit that I sometimes piss in a stall even though there are urinals in a bathroom.  Not to mention I don’t have the patience to sit there and wait all the damned time.

Some might take this as me being a little puss.  But you know something?  I just turned 30 and I really don’t care.

Here are five instances when pissing in a stall is totally fine

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EA Sports.  It’s in the game.  Well apparently not.  Apparently it’s shipped in a box and is used for beating the crap out of people.    For those of you that don’t know, EA Sports is the proud producer of the video game The Godfather.

As part of the promotion for the original video game, EA tossed a bunch of oranges onto the streets of some major cities. For The Godfather II, EA did something different and shipped some reviewers of the game a set of brass knuckles. You may be wondering what exactly brass knuckles have to do with the game. The game gives players upgrades as they take over crime rings that vary from armored cars to bullet proof vests; one of these upgrades is a set of brass knuckles. 

EA quickly realized the error in sending the brass knuckles due to the fact that they are considered illegal weapons in some states.  Problem is, by asking for them back, aren’t consumers breaking the law by sending them?  Mmmmm?  Mmmmm?

“How about a Fresca?”

No wonder this guy hates the Phoenix Police

In what should send a frightening chill down the spine of every blogger, writer, journalist and First Amendment advocate in the United States, Phoenix police raided the home of a blogger who has been highly critical of the department. Jeff Pataky, who runs Bad Phoenix Cops, said the officers confiscated three computers, routers, modems, hard drives, memory cards and everything necessary to continue blogging.

I have a few responses to this one.  Certain types of bloggers are no different than any other journalist and when they say something that grabs the attention of a group, well, it could certainly piss them off.

Second of all, what the hell is a blogger defined as these days anyway?  Am I a blogger just because I write this site in first person?  Or would one consider this site to be an entertainment site sans the word “blog?”  Blogging used to be a form of Twitter but without the 140 character limit.  Blogging used to be constant personal updates.  It’s certainly not that way today and is a hell of a lot more commercial.  Too tough to really define.

Bottom line is that no matter what you do or say, if you’re going to attack a group, or say things that someone doesn’t want to hear (sorry all you Ashley Biden fans), then be prepared to get criticized.

I will say though, you probably shouldn’t have to prepare yourself to get your computer taken away because of some whiny police officers. Oh that reminds me of my third point…..  Phoenix Police sucks some major balls.

If any of you read my Ashley Biden story a while back it comes as no surprise that you’ve been reading about her recently.  Allegations have been forming of a video that contained the VP’s daughter snorting cocaine.

So given that my article about her past pot possession charge was written,  yesterday I received a call from the NY Post’s writer Dan Mangan.

Here are a few quotes Dan used that really disturbed me, and I shall elaborate on them.

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Samantha Knapp is a Local 6 news reporter who will go the extra mile to get the story first and more importantly, get it right!  While at WJCL in Savannah, Ga., Knapp developed a franchise for “Crimestoppers” with the help of local police and the Crimestoppers Bureau.”We did deep investigations into unsolved murders and helped breathe new life into supposedly cold cases,” says Knapp.Besides working in Savannah, Knapp has also reported for stations in Indianapolis, Providence, Hartford and most recently WEYI-TV in Flint, Mich.

You might be wondering why the hell I’m posting this woman.  Well first of all, she’s attractive.  Second of all, it’s my goal to find every single hot reporter out there, notify ESPN about her, and then contact the people at Playboy.

It’s a four step process.  I figure I can somehow collect the names of 100 reporters and get jobs for 5 of them at ESPN or any major network for that matter.  Secondly, this will get them the publicity they deserve.   Thirdly, after enough time they may succumb to a bikini shot or a sultry commercial.  And then finally one of them decides to pose for Playboy. It may take a few years but my experiment would be a success.

I think it’s well worth my time.

From time to time when a site as amazing and popular as this one is seen, there are always a few people who just might get pissed off.  I mean call me crazy but I just never knew that this site didn’t appeal to every single person on this planet.

But if you’re gonna try and reach the masses, you know you’re going to ruffle some feathers.  And with all the feathers I’ve ruffled I can tell you this:  I’m 100% sure that every person that’s ever submitted a nasty comment on this site has more than likely been a complete loser and has never, not once, staked their claim in this world or contributed anything meaningful to society.

That or they have to be ugly, and if not ugly, then wear really tight shirts, grease their hair back, have too many earrings and be from Staten Island, Brooklyn, or Queens.  Also use tons of commas in sentences that aren’t even complete.

But I just want to give props to what I think is the best comment I’ve received thus far:

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I recently read an article entitled “Why handsome men make bad husbands,” from Psychology today.

Handsome men on average make bad husbands. Men can maximize their reproductive success by pursuing one of two different strategies: Seek a long-term mate, stay with her, and invest in their joint offspring (the “dad” strategy); or seek a large number of short-term mates without investing in any of the resulting offspring (the “cad” strategy). All men may want to pursue the cad strategy; however, their choice of the mating strategy is constrained by female choice.  Men do not get to decide with whom to have sex; women do.

Essentially what this is saying is that the more a man enters the woman’s position of choice, the worse off the marriage becomes.  A handsome man is ultimately put in the hot girl’s position and therefore in a position of power and unrest for the female.

That’s if you read between the lines, which I’m an expert at doing.  However, let us look at it from a beneficial point of view.

Here are 5 reasons why handsome men make great husbands…at least for the superficial and chauvenist side of us.

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So yes, it’s less than four months from now and the impending chopping of my most private of parts will take place on a little island in South Carolina.  My little bride-to-be and I are going to exchange our vows (no we won’t actually, vows are lame) and I will officially become a eunuch.

Not that I’m unhappy about this in any way.  I look forward to never receiving head again and yielding to every single thing the little five footer tells me.  One thing I’m psyched about though, is our location for the wedding.

But man would you be surprised at some of the crappy places people get married at.  Here are five that really blow.

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I personally think that being a casting director has got to be one of the funnest jobs in history.  I imagine that once you get past the role of casting all the big stars, that the job becomes fun as all hell.

Think about it.  What if your movie has a bit part for a guy who’s supposed to look randomly funny?  Like the guy in “Half Baked” who worked in the store with Scarface when he says “f-you, f-you, f-you, you’re cool.”  The guy who he refers to as “you’re cool” was amazing.  I mean if your whole day is trying to find these weird people it’s gotta be fun no?

On the other hand, if you’re the one who’s cast for these roles, it has to suck to some extent doesn’t it?  I mean who wants to be cast as the child molester?  Not me.

For the record I am by no means saying it’s wrong of these people to take these roles.  There’s nothing wrong with earning a living.  I’m just saying it certainly blows to be typecasted this way.

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