Five Roles It’s Awful to Be Casted For in a Movie (And the Ads that Must Accompany Them)

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I personally think that being a casting director has got to be one of the funnest jobs in history.  I imagine that once you get past the role of casting all the big stars, that the job becomes more fun than anything else. Think about it.  What if your movie has a bit part for a guy who’s supposed to look randomly funny?   Like the old guy in Half Baked who was in the scene with Scarface when he says “f-you, f-you, f-you, you’re cool.”  The guy who he refers to as “you’re cool” was amazing and all he did was put his thumb up.   I mean if your whole day is trying to find these weird people it’s gotta be fun no?

On the other hand, if you’re the one who’s cast for these roles, it has to be kind of crappy to some extent doesn’t it?  I mean who wants to be cast as the child molester?  Not me. For the record I am by no means saying it’s wrong of these people to take these roles.  There’s nothing wrong with earning a living.  I’m just saying it must stink to be typecasted this way.  Here are the five roles I’m talking about.

The Really Overwight Person

Think about the job the casting agent must have here.  I mean what if it’s a movie where you know one of the focal points is a bunch of kids making fun of the overweight kid?  Think about the ad that must go up for this role

“Attention people who are overweight.  Actually no, we’re really looking for the obese types.  If you were made fun of because of your weight and have a mostly twinkie diet, then this role is perfect for you.  Prepare to be ridiculed on a constant basis.  Pay is commensurate with experience.”

The Messed up Looking Psycho

So you have a weird deformity.  Maybe you got into a car crash or just look kind of funny.  The point is that someone thinks you just look like a crazy person, even if you are 100% normal.  The ad?

“Hey, if you look like a serial killer or people are constantly afraid of you even though they’ve never met you, please show up to the audition.  If mothers are gripping their children when you show up, we’ll give you a bonus.

The Loser or Dork

Personally I think this one sucks.  For no other reason than people wanting you just because you look like a loser.  It’s one thing if a movie is about a good looking person who plays a nerd and then comes out of their shell.  It’s another if you’re just 100% supposed to be a dork.  Here’s the ad.

“If you’re a total loser or people tell you that “hey you’d be perfect for any movie containing the outcast role, you know where you’re the geek, guy who gets no chicks, basically a total failure,  then this role is ideal for you.”

The Pedophile or Molester Type

OK if I said that the loser one was bad.  Perhaps this one is worse.

“If you look like you like to molest kids, please audition for this role.”

Can it get worse than that?  I don’t think so.

The Old Person Who is About To Die

This one is kind of funny yet also kind of eye opening.  When I think about this one I think about the movie Happy Gilmore when Happy says “she’s old, she’s too…old.”  And the woman actually points to her face. When your role is to be ridiculed or made fun of because your bodily functions are ceasing and you are pretty much near the end, it sucks.  Unless you have an amazing sense of humor about yourself, it must blow.

Casting call for people that are so old they might not show up to work tomorrow

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