. What to Do With a Drunk Friend |

Dec 06 2012

How to Handle an Angry Drunk

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

Everybody has one of those friends. For the sake of this article, we’ll call him “Dick.”

Dick loves to drink, and most of the time he’s a great guy who’s a barrel of monkeys to be around. But every once in a while, Dick hits a point in his drunkenness where he forgets everything except how pissed he is at the world, and how he wants to take it out on everyone who gets in his way. This is the point of no return. Don’t even try to reason with Dick, because Dick is no longer there. Dick has turned into a total Dickhole, and that Dickhole is a real pain in the ass.

If you are unfortunate enough to be stuck taking care of Dick, be prepared for a long night of biting, screaming, and poop-covered pants. But if you’re able to push through the pain and maintain control, the night may yet be saved.

Don’t Argue

The first thing to remember is that no matter what you say to Dick, you’re going to be wrong. Don’t even try to tell him that his pants are filled with his own feces, unless you want to get an eye full of spit.

And when he starts chasing after the cat he thinks stole his phone, the best thing to do is just let it happen. Maybe he’ll tire himself out and pass out. That’s the ultimate goal here after all.

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