Oct 15 2012
If you’re a returning reader of our articles, you know when it comes to sports teams, we’re Cleveland through and through. It’s an unfortunate circumstance, considering the city’s cursed with bad luck, and seems to always have the worst things happen to its sports teams.
But if you happened to watch, listen, or read anything about sports this weekend, you know that the big news was The Captain, Derek Jeter, cracking his ankle and being lost for the rest of the season. Since Yanks fans can (somewhat) feel what it’s like to (finally) have some bad luck, we’re telling you why they’re now completely done.
We love baseball, so we wish the playoffs to be as competitive as the first round was – when each series went the five-game distance – but thanks to Jeter’s injury, we’re telling you why you should stick a fork in ‘em!
Umm, Jeter’s Out
He’s the emotional, physical leader of the Yanks. As a matter of fact, he’s the face of Major League Baseball, and the sole reason they’ve had five rings in the past 15 years. Jeter’s earned the respect of every baseball fan, so without him, we just can’t help but think The Pinstriper’s are down and out. Not to mention, they don’t have the ghost of hot Jeter girlfriend’s past to give them luck!
They Can’t Hit the Broad Side of a Barn
With Jeter out, the only guy who seems to know what a baseball hitting a bat actually sounds like is Raul Ibanez, and he’s just been hot the past couple games. A-Rod, Robby Cano, and Nick Swisher make a combined $54 million, you’re telling me they can’t figure out how to do something offensively? If you’ve watched any of their games, it seems that way. Don’t even get us started on how A-Rod can’t even make it through a damn game any longer, thanks to his sulkiness!
People Look Past the Pinstripes
In that movie “Catch Me If You Can,” Christopher Walken’s character tells his son (Leonardo DiCaprio) that the reason the Yanks win all the time is because the other team can’t stop looking at their pinstripes. That movie was set back in the 60′s and 70′s, when the Yanks still had prestige, and everyone wanted to play for them. Unfortunately, these days no one’s intimidated anymore. They’re still the Yanks – loaded with cash – but they just haven’t scared team’s like they used to.
They Live By The Homer
Forget that they can’t hit, they can’t manufacture a run! When watching the game the other night, they had their leadoff guy, Ichiro get on first in the 11th. You’d think with a guy who’s in a 2-28 slump coming up, you might just think about taking the bat out of his hand, and sacrifice Suzuki over, right? Well Girardi decided to let him swing away, he shockingly flied out, and the entire inning was a wash. Just because a dude hits 30 homers in the regular season, doesn’t mean he’ll even hit one in the postseason. Come on man!
At some point, we came to the conclusion that Detroit’s just a better team. They’re younger, hungrier, and their pitching is F’in unreal. Or to put it bluntly, they have a 2-0 series lead after winning the games on the road, and haven’t even had Verlander pitch yet. So yeah, Yanks are screwed.
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