. The Six Different Phases of Life |

Oct 15 2012

How Life is Split into Six Different Parts

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

Since becoming a father a few months back I realize just how far away I am from any kind of previous life I had before fatherhood started.   What I mean is, it feels like I am completely reborn into a new role and place in my life.   It’s almost as if I’m a new person and the life I lead in the past doesn’t even exist anymore.

I mean I know the thing exists but honestly it feels like it has disappeared.  So that got me thinking.   At what other points in one’s life does their previous life virtually disappear? I believe that I’ve cut it down into six parts.

Here are the six lives we lead…..

0-12 – You’re a Child

These are probably the easiest years of your life.   You’re given virtually everything you need in life.   Assuming you have good parents you’re given food, clothes, shelter and all of the things required to get you to the point of being able to copulate with the opposite sex.  Seriously, this is just preparation.  You learn social skills, get some education, start playing sports, and then at that crucial 10-12 age you start realizing that relationships matter.   You learn what an allowance is and you wind up graduating elementary school.  But then life takes a complete and utter shift.

13-18 – You’re an adolescent

It’s middle school time!  All of a sudden hair starts coming in at the pubic and underarm region.   Your peers become really mean to you for no discernible reason.   You experiment with body parts of the opposite sex.  Summer camp takes on new meaning.   All of a sudden you really hate your parents.    Alcohol gets introduced into your life.  But all the while you’re still living on mom and dad’s dime even though you want to get the hell out of the house.  You get your first job.  You learn how to sort of take care your yourself even though you have the comfort of your own room in mom and dad’s house.   You care about school but not really.  You’re too amped for college.

18-22 – You’re in College

College is a life unto itself.  It’s a fantasy.  I refuse to believe it’s real and honestly I’d rather not even talk about it.   College is like living in your own movie for four years.

22-Marriage – You’re young, out, independent, and about

You learn about the real world.  You learn how to live in a crappy apartment.  You learn about the real dating scene.  You learn how most people don’t really work for a living.  They just surf the internet while working from a cubicle.   You try desperately to “meet the one.”  You get sharehouses in the Hamptons or Fire Island or wherever the hell you live.  You go to concerts, get cheap dinners, get wasted on weekends but start to realize that you can’t keep up as much anymore.  You’re simply waiting to settle down.

You become a Parent

Marriage to me is virtually the same as living as a younger person with a boyfriend or girlfriend.  It’s once you have kids that life completely changes.   Once a child enters your life nothing is ever the same again.  When you get married things are totally the same.  You’re just married.  Kids are the game changer.   Your life is no longer your own and yet you don’t care.  You realize that your new purpose and energy is to give it all back and instill everything you can into your child so that they can have a life you hopefully did up until this point.

You Become a grandparent

The amazingness of watching your children having their own children.  And all this time your privileged to not have to have them home with you.  It’s a true joy because you get to watch from a distance and still have all the options in the world.  And you can just chill with your spouse.   This is all assuming you’re an old person grandparent like most people.

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