. Ways to Own a Wedding |

Oct 09 2012

How to Dominate a Wedding

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

One of our best friends ended up getting hitched this weekend. As always, it was great catching-up with family and friends – while also scoping out some of the bridesmaids – but it was even more fun because we were actually in the damn thing.

Wearing a tux in a wedding is always a moneymaker when it comes to hooking-up, but here are some other things that it can get you along the way… leading to your ultimate rowdiness and having the entire reception sing-along to a little “Sweet Caroline.

So make sure to grab a pen and paper, and see what else you need to do in order to be remembered for doing everything wrong, yet so right.

Get to Know the Parents

It’s absolutely crucial to introduce yourself to both parents at a wedding, because, well, you don’t want to be the dick who didn’t. If you have any class, you’ll greet the Mother of the Bride with a hug, a quick “congrats,” and even joke about saving you a dance. But remember that the Father of the Bride is where you separate the boys from the men. Shake his hand, tell him you’ll save him a brew, and always make sure to congratulate him on his speech. It’s the one thing he’s been waiting his whole life for, so having a stranger tell him how great it was, will only win you brownie points.

Make Friends With the Bridal Party

After seeing how far a black tux can get you during a wedding, this is pretty much a given, because being one of the few to be in the party, assures you the inside scoop on pretty much everything that’s going to happen at the reception. For example, this past weekend the bar was shut down during dinner. One notice of our tux, and boom, we had a drink in our hand. If the dude behind us wasn’t complaining about it so much, we’d have gotten him a Jack and Coke too.

Introduce Yourself to the Band

Everyone wants to be the legend that gets up on stage and sings with the band, but it takes some recon work to be able to pull it off. Avoid being that guy who gets hammered and yells at the band, thinking they’ll just invite you on stage. Just like you would a lady, it goes a long way in just introducing yourself, joking about how your song is “Don’t Stop Believin’,” and how you’ll be up here by the end of the night. It might feel like you’re selling out, but when everyone else is getting kicked off stage during the reception, while you’re under the bright lights with a mic in your hand, it’ll be well worth it.

Don’t Get Too Drunk

It might be sipping Jack, or just sticking with beers, but avoiding getting too hammered is the perfect way to hold all the eyes on you. We like to call drinking rum-and-cokes our “wedding drunk,” because we always sip these damn things to guarantee the night will be a success. For obvious reasons, you should avoid taking advantage of the free booze to make a complete ass out of yourself by sulking in the corner, or worse, spending the night around the toilet, barfing everything you just consumed.

Dress to Impress

First off, never wear anything monotone. People still think this is a good look, but it was only ever in style because Regis Philbin did it 15 years ago on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” Now that that’s out of the way, you should be wearing something that’s fitted to your form, and avoid anything that’s loose or baggy. This won’t guarantee you’re going to get ass or be remembered, but it will definitely help your chances once all the ladies in the room get that choked-up, wanting to get married and feel loved feeling. If you look like a clown, they won’t even consider you as an option though.





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