Aug 31 2012
Thank F’in goodness school’s back in session. We can say that because we’ve been graduated for years, and, more importantly, with the classes comes college football. Yep, that means we now actually have a reason for getting obliterated drunk on the weekends, and still act like we’re 21-years-old.
As the season got under way last night, we give you some predictions to take note of. If we’re right, we can brag about being Nostradomus. If we’re wrong, well, at least we got so drunk, that we didn’t remember anything from the weekend…
An SEC Team Won’t Even Make the National Title Game
It’s no secret that the SEC’s been dominating fools the past decade, even taking home the past six national titles. But even though the conference has an insane five teams in the preseason top-10, we think this is the year we get a stinker of a title game. With so much depth in the southeast, we’ll let them beat each other up and see a team like Southern Cal or Oregon demolish a random team like Oklahoma, or worse, the Big East champ.
A Player Will Do Something We’ve Never Seen
We remember watching the opening college football game a couple season’s ago between Oregon and Boise State. It was hyped as the nice girl in the class, facing off against the hottest chick in the class for homecoming queen. What’d we get as our memory? The Ducks’ LeGarrette Blount sucker punching some Bronco after the game. Don’t ask us who won, we were just happy not to drop $30 for a fight on TV! We’re not saying something like this will happen – or that we hope it does – but something that makes you shake your head’s definitely in store.
Another Big Program Will Be Put on Major Probation
Alright, so we’re probably not going out on a limb by saying this, especially as we’ve seen places like Penn State, Ohio State, and Miami (FL) get hit with some harsh sticks across the hands in recent years, but we really think sh*t’s about to get pretty ugly at a major football program soon. With the Facebook and Twitter crap that goes on every second of the day, we can envision players and/or coaches doing something really dumb that gets them in trouble – and yes, that includes sending dick-tures to coed’s.
A Sophomore Will Win the Heisman
To say anyone other than SC’s Matt Barkley will win the Heisman is bold enough, but we’re not just predicting any Super Soph will take home the stiff arm, we’re actually going to give you his name: It’s Oregon’s De’Anthony Thomas. Yep, he’s barely 5’9″. Sure, he’s got almost no experience. So how does he join that Tebow guy as the only Sophomore to win the award? Well he’s really good. And has a team with a real chance to play in their second national title game in three years, with a schedule so easy, you could probably run circles around opposing D’s. His breakout party will be versus Barkley’s Trojans in November. Just remember who you heard it from first though.
Notre Dame Will Still Blow
We’re not ND fans. In fact, we hate that the damn school shares the same initials as us. We hate how their fans still expect a national title, when they haven’t done crap since… oh right, no one can remember? Regardless of how we personally feel, the golden domers will again suck serious dome this year because they don’t have enough talent – and their new uniforms are f*cking hideous. Does that mean missing a Bowl game? Probably not. But it means people will only care about them because they’re either an Alum, they’re forced to watch them, or because they’re Catholic. Because let’s be honest, no one wants to turn their back on God.
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