Aug 30 2012
Kids are headed back to campuses all over the country this week, and though being back on campus is cool as hell, actually going to class F’in blows! Come to think of it, the only thing it’s actually good for is to scope out hotties, socialize during or after, and somehow show up enough to at least stay enrolled in school.
But since it’s not easy rolling out of bed for an 8am’er on a Friday morning, and nearly impossible to get to that 6pm class after an all-day break, we offer a couple ways to find some enjoyment during that time. No, it’s not by doodling on your notebook, it’s by keeping yourself busy with the finer things in life.
Bring a Nalgene Bottle
No one wants to be thirsty during a long lecture, so while all the other suckers dread listening to your foreign professor go on and on about who knows what, go ahead and sip back a couple brews to ease the pain. It holds about three beers, stays cold, and is perfect for those big classes when you miss the pregaming on a Thursday night, and need it to come to you. Bottoms up kids!
It’s the best sex you’ll ever have, trust us. Not only are you fighting any onlookers, who might bust your party (no pun intended), but you’re doing it somewhere only a few select people have gone. You might be asking yourself how this is even possible, right? It’s easy. Sign yourself up for things like Photography or Psych. These courses have a ton of lab work that will give you plenty of time to get nasty with a fellow student. If you’ve ever been in a dark room to develop pics, you know exactly what we’re talking about.
Look at Porn
It may be hard – to pull off, not your you know what – but it’s definitely doable. Set the precedent early by bringing your lap top or iPad to every class. Once you do this, it should be pretty simple actually. Sit in the back, act like you’re just typing notes or using one of those fancy little recording pens, show enough interest not to get called out, and see a couple paid actors working on their craft! If anyone asks what you’re doing, well, you’ll be that weirdo who looks at porn, so best not have that happen dude.
Trip Your Balls Off
We wouldn’t advise this be the way you get through college, but hell, we know some people who use the sh*t to balance them out, so maybe you fall into that category? Be careful not to smoke yourself retarded though. The last thing you want is some professor asking you a question, and you start sweating profusely, laughing your ass off, or running away because he looks like the damn Kool-Aid man.
Even More Uncoachable Stuff