Aug 28 2012
Honestly I’m going to try my best to not get too wrapped up in the sharing of tales of fatherhood but I gotta say there’s just too much material not to share. I mean every single day it’s something new. My kid might pee on the wall, pee on my face, pee on his own stomach or just take a dump as I’m changing him. And that’s just the changing stuff.
I swear never in my life have I ever felt more “on call” then I do right now. They’re really right when they say it’s a 24 hour job and they’re also right when they say you really need some alone time (which I haven’t had). But I tell ya sometimes this kid pushes me to the brink. And while I’d never, ever in my wildest imagination be drunk around such a young child I have conjured up some drinking games that would surely help pass the time.
Like I say, don’t try these at home but here are five unrecommended drinking games if you have a baby….
Every time your baby cries take a shot
Don’t worry, you won’t die from drinking here. Newborns really only cry when they need to be changed, are hungry, or God forbid something else is wrong. It winds up being in the double digits but it’s usually spaced out so you’ll have a pretty nice buzz if you start off in the AM and finish late night.
Every time your baby takes a crap take a shot
This one is a total gamble. Bottom line is if your baby is normal you won’t be getting drunk. So you’re hope here is that you simply get a mild buzz. But be careful. The poops come in waves so you might have to take 3 shots in the span of 10 minutes. Hopefully you don’t go over 6 on this one.
When your baby yawns take a shot
It’s an adorable thing when your newborn yawns and I highly recommend you watch it as much as you can. Chances are after you feed your baby they are going to yawn. It’s just a question of how much. You might be pretty wasted on this one.
When your baby smiles take a shot
A smile is pretty rare for a baby. In fact a smile isn’t even a real smile yet. It’s gas. For this one you really have to stare at your child. On a newborn I was seeing about 3-5 smiles a day. Thing is, there are probably more but again, you have to watch closely.
Every time you feed your baby take a shot
Every three hours. Simple.
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