Aug 28 2012
Honestly I’m going to try my best to not get too wrapped up in the sharing of tales of fatherhood but I gotta say there’s just too much material not to share.Â Â I mean every single day it’s something new.Â Â My kid might pee on the wall, pee on my face, pee on his own stomach or just take a dump as I’m changing him.Â And that’s just the changing stuff.
I swear never in my life have I ever felt more “on call” then I do right now.Â Â They’re really right when they say it’s a 24 hour job and they’re also right when they say you really need some alone time (which I haven’t had).Â Â But I tell ya sometimes this kid pushes me to the brink.Â Â And while I’d never, ever in my wildest imagination be drunk around such a young child I have conjured up some drinking games that would surely help pass the time.
Like I say, don’t try these at home but here are five unrecommended drinking games if you have a baby….
Every time your baby cries take a shot
Don’t worry, you won’t die from drinking here.Â Â Newborns really only cry when they need to be changed, are hungry, or God forbid something else is wrong.Â Â It winds up being in the double digits but it’s usually spaced out so you’ll have a pretty nice buzz if you start off in the AM and finish late night.
Every time your baby takes a crap take a shot
This one is a total gamble.Â Bottom line is if your baby is normal you won’t be getting drunk.Â So you’re hope here is that you simply get a mild buzz.Â But be careful.Â The poops come in waves so you might have to take 3 shots in the span of 10 minutes.Â Â Hopefully you don’t go over 6 on this one.
When your baby yawns take a shot
It’s an adorable thing when your newborn yawns and I highly recommend you watch it as much as you can.Â Chances are after you feed your baby they are going to yawn.Â It’s just a question of how much.Â You might be pretty wasted on this one.
When your baby smiles take a shot
A smile is pretty rare for a baby.Â In fact a smile isn’t even a real smile yet.Â Â It’s gas.Â Â Â For this one you really have to stare at your child.Â Â On a newborn I was seeing about 3-5 smiles a day.Â Thing is, there are probably more but again, you have to watch closely.
Every time you feed your baby take a shot
Every three hours.Â Simple.
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