. The Things People Don't Actually Do in Vegas |

Aug 16 2012

5 Things You Don’t Actually Do In Vegas

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

As you know, summer’s the season of partying. But, lucky for us, fall just happens to be wedding season. With weddings come bachelor parties, and since everyone’s looking to wear less and drink more at those things, people head to Sin City for one last hurrah.

With that said, we know a ton of dudes will be packing their bags and heading to the bright lights to celebrate. And while our love for Vegas is undeniable, we want to remind everyone that Vegas expectations are not always the reality, so don’t try and write the story before you even get there. Sometimes, it’s just as depressing as you’ve heard it is.

What Happens In Vegas Doesn’t Stay In Vegas

First and foremost, this saying is totally wrong. Between uploads, check-ins, and flip cameras, there’s absolutely no way your crazy body shot, outfit malfunction or transvestite hooker hook-up will remain on the down-low. Be prepared to revel in your stories for the rest of the year. And if you stay hush hush about anything that did happen, well, find some better friends!

You Won’t Meet Mike Tyson

Sure, everybody wants to re-enact the Hangover, but we can promise you that the likelihood of running into Mike Tyson, because you somehow managed to not only pee on his gate but steal his tiger, are slim to none. Unfortunately, you probably won’t get to hang out with a cool baby, steal a cop car, or marry an attractive stripper either. But the good thing about Vegas is, at least those are options you can try to pull off.

You Will Never Make Money Gambling

Even if you hit it big one time, the likelihood of you walking away is, well, slim to none. You’ll either bet it all again, or spend it on champagne showers at the strip joint. For instance, our last trip to Vegas involved a stripper snorting something not-so legal in our hotel room until 7am. You can bet your ass she didn’t leave empty handed. With visitors like that, it’s goes without saying that you’ll never be cashing in the chips to actually leave with a full wallet.

You Won’t Make Your Morning Flight


Don’t even kid yourself. Never book a flight home from Vegas anytime before about 2pm. There’s no way in hell you’ll make it to the airport on time, so just avoid the situation. We don’t care that the flight is a $100 cheaper, a changed flight will always cost you more. Some people try to play it cool and think ordering a cab a day ahead will do the trick. Guess what? If the concierge and your friends can’t drag you out of bed, no cabby stands a chance. Bite the bullet and schedule the later one bro.

You Won’t Avoid Extra Room Charges

Between room damages from drunk shenanigans, 3am room service for chicken fingers and pizza, raiding the mini bar because those cute little bottles can’t be that expensive, and the fact that you accidentally let a girl charge “just a few drinks” to your room, there’s no way you’ll avoid paying more than the advertised $89/night. Don’t bother setting a budget, ’cause once you’re a couple drinks deep, realize you’re already down over $100, and it’s been about 30 minutes since you landed, you’re entire plan is completely shot!

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