Aug 14 2012
We went back home to where we grew up this past weekend, and while it was great (and really awkward) running into old friends and classmates, it was even better throwing back a few cold ones with our former teachers.
Since we’re approaching our 10-year reunion, it was good to get our feet wet with our former superiors, and get an idea of what the after party might be like.
It’s not uncommon to try and find your high school crush and mack her all night, but after seeing what went down this weekend, we’ve got our sights on the Math teacher that used to fail us. Only this time, we know her + you = a night worth remembering. Here’s how we plan on doing it… again.
Plant the Seed
Like anything, it’s important to give her your full attention. If she still looks at you like a pimply-faced 18-year-old kid, who’s looking to brag about road head, than you have no chance. Give her the eye, talk to her more than anyone else, buy her a drink, and hint to her exactly what you’re trying to do. This doesn’t mean doing recon work beforehand and stalking her ass on Facebook or anything. It’s got to be strictly heat of the moment.
Never Talk About Old Times
For Christ’s sake, this isn’t your typical girl at the bar. You need to make her look at you like a grown-up, and not someone she used to yell at and send to detention every damn day. Bringing up stories about sh*t that happened way back when will only make her look at you like you’re still that infant high schooler. Bring up what you’re doing now, and you might just end up next to her tomorrow morning.
Lie Your Ass Off
You used to lie about why you didn’t turn in your homework, so why not lie about what you’re doing now? She won’t give a damn about your lame Sales job that restricts you to cold calling and hop-scotching to different retail stores. Throw something elaborate at her like how you’ve successfully built a biz, or how you’re traveling to different countries all the time. It might come off as bragging, but it’s really all you’ve got in your arsenal if she’s willing to overlook you were her former student.
Don’t Tell a Soul… For Awhile Anyway
You might not want to develop anything more than just a one-nighter, but the worst move you can make is telling all your bros about things. Tap it, slap it, than crap on it. Set the rules early that you’re just looking for some fun, and she can trust you with your dirty little secret. Running your mouth risks her losing her job, you getting b*tched-out, and unnecessary drama. Once things cool down, tell a couple of your buddies and show ‘em the pics she sent you on your phone for proof.
Get the Job Done
You’ve danced around it enough, so go in for the kill. Now that she’s eating up everything you’re doing, send her a little note saying to meet you out back in ten for a quick make out sesh before heading home with you. There’s probably a ton of people who saw you talking in the bar, so make the dash by saying some bullsh*t like, “It was so weird seeing you.” Once she’s back at your place, do the damn thing and remind her why you were her favorite student. Chances are she’ll give the night an A+.
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