. The Best Athletes of the Olympics |

Aug 13 2012

Assembling the All-Olympic Team

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

The Olympics just ended – pause, let that sink in. Now it’s back to work, and no sneaking out and watching women’s weightlifting or counting down the days till the girls on the U.S. gymnastics team are legal.

Though the closing ceremonies officially closed the book on the premier events in athletics, we’re taking some time to look back on the greatest performances, and the athletes that we’d toss on our team if we ever had to put together a mega-team of unreal Olympians. It doesn’t matter what sport we’re playing – hell, it could be a beer pong team – we’d want these folks on our team.

Michael Phelps – Swimming

Umm, we’re not going to go into too much detail with this one. Dude set the Olympic record for most total medals won with 22, 18 of which are gold. Go ahead and blame us for stacking our team, but with our first pick, we’re taking Phelps. Plus, we know this guy knows how to party.

Gabby Douglas – Gymnastics

This is weird, we’ll go ahead and admit that. But we just can’t help ourselves when it comes to Gabby. She’s taken over the country with her grit, attitude, and all-around coolness. Hopefully we’re not taking on anyone in flip cup or a game of cornhole, but even then, we wouldn’t bet against Gabs.

LeBron James – Basketball

Blah… blah… blah. MVP of the Finals in June. Gold medalist in the Olympics in August. About to take over the league in October. Dude’s a freak of nature, and if there was ever an athlete that looks the past of an Olympian, it’s probably ‘Bron ‘Bron.

Usain Bolt – Track & Field

Yeah man, he’s that fast. He’s got moxy and just a tad bit of confidence. After capturing golds in the 100m and 200m (again), he became the first athlete to win in consecutive Olympics. We’re pretty sure he’d be hilarious to hang out with, so even if he sucked at every other sport (which we doubt), he’d at least be cool to have around. Just look at the Jamaican bobsled team.

Leryn Franco – Track & Field

You need some eye candy on your team, right? Of course you do. If there’s an Olympian that can distract any athlete in the world, it’s Franco. Damnit she’s a piece of ass. Her holding that pole only adds to her sexiness, and makes us think really dirty thoughts. She’s not all that great at her sport – finishing 18th in the qualifying round and missing the finals – but she’s by far the hottest athlete in the games, so we’d use that as an advantage.

Bradley Wiggins – Cycling

Not only did he dominate the Tour de France a couple weeks before the Olympics – good job dude – but he definitely stands atop the podium for partying the hardest after winning his gold medal in cycling. If you’re “blind drunk,” you’re doing something right, and as much as it’d suck not to see anything, if going blind means raging with this dude, it might actually be worth it.

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