. A Collection of Funny Firsts |

Jul 26 2012

Who Actually Thought Drinking From a Cow’s Nipple Made Sense?

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

Have you ever sat down and actually thought of this?  Think about it for a second.   I actually looked this up online and about 10,000 years ago for the first time ever, one mammal decides to drink the milk of another species of mammal.  The drinker is homo sapiens or us.  The drinkee is not a cow at all, but a goat.   Within another 1000 years or so, someone tries the same thing with a cow, and the rest is history.

But here’s my question.  Why?  For what reason did a human being look at the nipple on a cow’s utter and think “maybe if I lick that I’ll get something out of it?”  Is it because he saw other animals sucking at the teats of their relatives?  I mean I guess we have to give humans the benefit of the doubt here and just assume that’s the case.

However, have you thought about the history of “firsts?”  It’s a very interesting topic when you think about it…..

Some people aspire to be the first to try something.   Whether it’s the first person to swim across the English channel or to fly a plane, a space in history is usually reserved for these people.   But when you get down to brass tactics being a first will probably cause you way more harm than good.   This is why I’d simply prefer to be the dude who takes a concept and improves upon it so that I’m A. Safe and B. the guy who makes said process way more efficient and valuable.

However, today I’d like to think about some of the “firsts” in life that must have been pretty ridiculous when they were thought of and for the life of me I have to wonder why in the hell these people decided to go ahead and try these things!

1.  Glue -  who in the hell decided that a Horse would make a great glue?  How is this even possible? There is evidence that the Neanderthals used glues in their paints to guard their works from moisture, and some horse teeth glues can be dated back nearly 6000 years, but no written records from these times can prove that they were fully or extensively utilized.  But my question is, how did some dolt look at the teeth of a horse and decide they could be used for sticking things together?

2.  Eating Berries – I feel bad for the dude who ate the first poisonous berry when his best friend just ate a berry and he was fine.   Seriously, think about that.  How many times in history has someone eaten something they thought was completely fine and then died?

3.  Anal Sex – Yup, anal sex.   Someone, somewhere decided that they were bored with the whole vaginal thing and decided to see if anything would happen up the other hole.   I’m gonna venture to say it was an extremely messy ordeal but it’s a practice that has since been way improved upon.

And the list goes on and on and on.   Let’s try and spice this up in the comments.  What ridiculous firsts can you think of?


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