Jul 24 2012
Admit it, you’ve been there before. You randomly meet a hot chick, and use either your trusty iPhone app to search for her on the ‘book, or try to remember every detail necessary in order to do the same thing in the privacy of your own home.
We don’t blame you – there’s a sense of acceptable voyeurism about having the ability to flip through a girl’s photos, find out if she’s truly single, and make snap-judgements without them ever knowing. Problem is – it’s creepy as hell; and just because everyone does it, doesn’t make it any less weird.
The trick is not getting caught, so follow these rules in order to maintain your social (and not digital) standing. After all, the last thing you want to do is have her find out what you’re actually doing.
Never, in any scenario, check Facebook at a coffee shop.
See the picture above? It’s pretty visible, right? Well that’s exactly what the blonde chick sitting directly behind you sees too. Sure, you (possibly) aren’t looking to find her, but the fact that she can see you flipping through pictures of you with your dick out at a party, or going through a girl’s Spring Break photos, makes you look like a complete loser.
Resist your desire to add Friends, even if you know them.
We’re not saying don’t add to your “network,” because that’s ultimately what Facebook’s for. What we’re saying is adding someone, and then never making any contact with the person; whether through profiles or in person.
Example: We’ve got a friend who sees the same hot girl at the gym every week. Problem is, she accepted his Friend Request, yet he doesn’t say a word to her in person. Weird? Yeah. This also goes for “long-time friends” who you may have gone to high school/college with. Just because you knew them then, doesn’t mean you know them now.
Never, poke someone. Ever!
It doesn’t get more lame than hitting that little button. It’s designed to get someone’s attention, but guess what? You can easily write on their wall, send them a message, or direct chat with them to do that too.
We tried to think of any reasonable reason to poke someone, but honestly, there’s absolutely nothing we can think of, so don’t do it.
Avoid using your status for all your thoughts.
We get it – you have something to get off your chest. But guess what? No one really wants to read it. Whether it’s, “My waitress is the hottest girl I’ve ever seen. I WILL get her number,” or “School sucks. Why was Chemistry created?” it won’t win any points showing up on people’s News Feed. Want to know what it will do? Probably make you the butt of a lot of jokes if the wrong person sees it.
If your profile picture is a self-portrait, change that sh*t right now.
Really? You have 1,200 friends, and there’s not one single photo that you liked enough to make your profile pic? Come on dude, you’re basically screaming tool bag. The fact that you’re either a) dressed like you should be on Jersey Shore before heading out, b) are flexing, or c) doing something to show that, “you know how to throw-down,” doesn’t really help any girl that may be breaking all these rules herself.
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