. The Pizza Delivery Story |

Jul 10 2012

The Dumbest Thing I Ever Did That Nearly Got Me Killed: The Pizza Delivery Story

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

Have you ever done something that afterwards you realize was one of the dumbest things you ever did?   You sit back and think to yourself “why in the hell did I just do that?”  You might not bring a jacket somewhere on a cold day.  Or you might step in a puddle that you actually saw coming.

Then there are things that are of greater consequence.   And I’ve got a true story for you.   This is the dumbest thing I ever did that nearly got me killed…..

Back in 2001 I was delivering pizza and during this time I remember not having a phone on me.   It was brutal.  It was one of those rush delivery times too.  I literally had around 5 pizza pies in my car and had to deliver them to five different addresses.  It was horrible.   I was of course in a neighborhood I did not know and sure enough it was getting dark out so seeing signs on roads was nearly impossible at this point.   I was frantic.  I was freaked out.   I was pissed.   And I was rolling in my old school 300ZX!   Here I am doing twists and turns all over the place not knowing what the hell is going on.

So what do I do?  I decide that since I’m kind of in the vicinity of the house I need to get to that I’ll knock on someone’s door and ask them if they know the street I’m looking for.   I had a shirt with the logo of the pizza place on me so it’s not like I’d have been that scary a character.   So here I am driving around a beautiful neighborhood looking for a house with the light on.  Sure enough I come across a house with the lights on.   Only this house was under construction and I only saw a handyman truck.

I approached the door anyway.   The door, by the way, was wide open.  I rang the bell and called inside “hello!”  No one answered.   Here’s where I got stupid.  In my frantic state I eyed a telephone about 40 or so feet inside the house.  It was right on a wall where the kitchen was being built.   Stupid me, what do I do?  I go inside the house.   Now, when I tell people this story that’s all I did.  But the real story is that I actually took a look around the house first.   But back to the main story.   I pick up the phone and dial the pizza place I work for.

I ask my boss for directions and he asks where I’m calling from.   I tell him some random house.   As soon as he starts telling me where to go, three guys walk into the house.   I swear to God the middle guy looks like Vincent Pastore.   The other two were pretty big dudes.   The middle guy says “What the f**k are you doing in my house?”   He repeats that statement around five times.  I say “hey man, sorry for coming in here but I’m a pizza guy and I’m lost.  Could you help me?”  He says “I’m gonna f*cking kill you.  Are you robbing me?   Are you the same guy that tried robbing me last month?”  Turns out he was robbed a month prior.

I keep telling him who I am.   He rushes over and grabs the phone and says “who the hell is this?” He then proceeds to talk to my boss.   They go back and forth and eventually he says “I’m gonna kill this kid.”   My boss says “what are you talking about, you’re not gonna kill the kid.”  He says “oh no?”  Takes the phone and clocks me in the head with it.  I fall to the ground.  Get right up and start pleading my case that I’m a delivery guy.   He then says to the other two guys, “get my gun I’m gonna kill this kid.”

They drag me outside and a gun is obtained.   One of them sees my car, sees the pizza and tells my main guy, “he man, I think this kid really is a pizza guy.”   So I said “of course I am!  that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”   Long story short he asks me a million times if I’m a pizza guy.  I say yes.   He takes my wallet.   Takes my license and tells me to get the hell out of there.    I get into my car and see blood all over my face that came from my skull.  I had no idea I was bleeding.   There was also blood all over my shirt.

I go back to the pizza place and talk to my boss who in the time I was driving back gets a call.   Turns out the guy whose house I went to was the relative of some people you probably don’t want to mess with.   At present time I still have a dent in my skull that will always remind me of the dumbest thing I ever did.

By the way, I did get my license back but thankfully never saw that dude again.


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