Jul 06 2012
Bars are the best time to score some ass. Mixing alcohol with friends gets girls wild, and gives even the nerdiest dudes a chance to experience what a one-night stand is like. Problem is, there’s a couple guys who use that alchy to prey on those drunker souls, only to make their move at the most opportunistic time.
We hate to admit it, but there’s definitely times when we find ourselves in the desperate situation of talking to that butter face way too long, just because we want to score someone to shack with, and once we realize we’re being creepy, it’s already too late.
If you find yourself having a little too much and acting like any of these types of guys, be cautious and prepared for the consequences. Don’t say we didn’t warn your ass!
The Clingy Guy
Poor dude, you just don’t get it. If you’re too friendly, girls are going to get suspicious. If you’re too forward and try too hard, you’ll just seem desperate. No girls will want to spend the entire night trapped in a corner while you talk about your miserable jobs, best buddies, and how he’s so focused on “making it” with his start-up t-shirt company. She’s giving you hint after hint to stop, but you’re not having any of it.
The Underage Guy
Dude, your fake is awful enough, but your lack of tolerance is even worse! Under the table after just two shots? Come on, bro. No girl’s going to be getting close to you when they find out you’re either younger than her little brother, or looks like Justin Bieber. Baby, baby, baby… let your Mom rock you to sleep while puking in the toilet.
The “I’m Just Trying to Get By” Guy
We all love boobs, but there’s no need to be handsier than a TSA agent. Stop grabbing the chick’s waist, chest and ass in a swift move, acting as if you’re just squeezing through a tight spot. Pat down anyone? When you’re not getting dirty looks from every chick in the bar, you’re probably getting slapped from the girl who actually followed you from the bar you just got kicked out of. If you’re just trying to pass by, why’s the girl’s bra unhooked?
The Geriatric Guy
Seriously, how old are you? No one’s all that impressed with your money or cool car. Our guess is it’s probably a Buick Somerset anyway, so it’s best not to talk it up. What the hell are you even doing here? Do we have Grandparents Day at this school? No girl wants a guy that’s only good for buying drinks and then ditching, so if you’re over the age of 50 or so, we suggest staying at home and trying to catch the early-bird special like the rest of the gray hairs.
‘Nuff Said. Take a look at this dude and tell us you want anyone to compare you to him. He’s got pretty much everything going on that you should never think of doing. A turtleneck, combover, and stache? If that doesn’t scream molester, we don’t know what does? Okay, maybe this…
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