I’m not here to say whether or not I like Facebook.   I happen to find it extremely useful for the purposes I’m on the site for.   And I don’t blame anyone for using the site for whatever purpose they use it for.   I guess what I’m really aiming at is that Facebook has become an excellent place to figure out if you would actually like a person in real life or not.

Face it,  if someone is constantly updating their page and posting a zillion things a day you can get a pretty good sense of what you like and dislike about them.   Which is why I felt it was necessary to write this post about status updates that I personally can’t stand.

Bottom line is that the people who post these types of updates are generally the types of people I’d probably avoid in real life…..

The Location Status Updates

OK we don’t care where you are.

The “Or You’ll Die” Comments

What the hell are these “pass this to 10 people you know by midnight tonight or you’ll die” crap?  I mean I know it’s spam but I was hoping Facebook could pick up on these and simply not let them through the website.   Then again nearly a billion users might make that tough.

Complaining About Facebook Itself

It’s OK to want certain changes within the platform.  I get that.  But if you’re someone who is bitching about a free service that you’re more than likely on 8 hours a day then seriously, cut it out.

One Word Updates or Meaningless One Sentence updates

“Tired.”   “Bored.”   Does anyone really care?  Seriously people, you might want to come up with something a little more creative to say.   Hell even Twitter has more characters than that.  Are you just looking for a bone?  Someone to “like” your one word update?  Yes, you are.

The “What I’m Doing” Updates

Oh my God!  You’re shopping for fruit?  That’s amazing!  And no we don’t care.  We will never care.   Why would we care?  Sure I can relate to eating cereal but I’ll be damned if I need people to know about it.

Rhetorical Question Updates

Is it 5:00PM yet?

The Subtle Bragging Updates Looking for Attention or Jealousy

The person who always posts photos of themselves “doing something amazing” like sailing on a boat, or lounging on a beach with the caption, “Blessed.”  Yes folks,  we’re jealous and we don’t need Facebook to remind us of how crappy our own lives are.   It’s one thing to announce your baby birth (which I’d never do on Facebook).   It’s another to just post every single great thing you to that will inevitably piss us off.

The Gym People

Woo! Just finished my eight mile run at the gym, now heading out for two hours of yoga. Who’s up for a six mile hike later today? Hit me up!”  Congratulations.  We care.

The PDAers

“Happy 26 month anniversary to the sweetest, hottest boyfriend ever. You’re so amazing. I couldn’t live life without you. You make my world turn around. Waking up to you is like waking up next to sugar…you make my morning that much sweeter. I love you soo much, baby, don’t forget that, ever. I will love you forever and always.”  Do you really have to post that crap on Facebook?  Shouldn’t it be a little more private than that?

Self Taken Pictures

I’ve seen one too many self taken bathroom pictures.   Unless it’s a really hot girl then I’m not buying.