. The Best Jobs a Guy Can Have |

Jun 20 2012

The 5 Best Jobs a Dude Can Have

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

Let us first say that we have a pretty sick job. We’re sitting around a pool, hanging out with some chicks, and listening to some music. It’s mid-90′s, so there’s no way in hell we’d be caught sitting inside around a desk right now.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let us also tell you that there’s other jobs out there that are a ton cooler than what we’re doing right now. While we may be enjoying the fun in the sun, there’s dudes out there that are doing the same, but photographing sexy chicks while doing it, or literally getting paid to talk about sports – isn’t every dude qualified to do that already?

Since there’s no way all of us can be as lucky as some guys, we figured we’d rub it in all of our faces that we’ll just have to accept our 9-5 for what it is… regardless of how much we love or hate it.

Fashion Photographer

Terry Richardson may look cool, but there’s no way in hell that dude falls under the category of attractive, yet he gets to hangout with girls like Kate Upton on a regular basis because he’s a master at getting hot chicks to do whatever the hell he wants – for creative purposes. Getting to push around a girl in the sack is awesome, but being able to do it and get paid is a ton better!

Sports Analyst

Sure, there’s really crappy ones, but even those guys usually last longer than everyone hopes they would. There isn’t a dude out there that doesn’t think he knows everything about sports, but problem is, no one gives a damn when they open their mouth to give their opinion. Jim Rome? He’s a tool… but he makes bank for being that tool.

Porn Star

Forget about all the bogus stuff you hear about testing and all that junk, this job would be killer. Barry Bonds hasn’t been tested for PEDs as often as some of the hottest and horniest chicks you’d get to bang have, so strap on a condom and get to work – literally! Only downside? Explaining to everyone why they’ve seen a dude who looks just like you all over Spankwire.

Pro Golfer

We’ve mentioned it before, and damnit we support our decision. These guys get to play golf for a living. Pause. Let that sink in. You work 40 hours at a desk, worrying about client requests and reports, only hoping to have enough time to get four hours with some bros on a course over the weekend. While you’re stressing about that crap, these guys are playing on some of the prestigious courses ever constructed, all while “working on their craft.” You’re just one major win away from being a major millionaire too!


Forget about the fact you’ll be making pennies – and likely aren’t in high school anymore – and we’re almost positive you’ll roll into work with a giant smile on your face. The chance to sit in a chair for a two-hour shifts, then serve concession stand food for the next two hours, all while getting to checkout hotties? Oh, and don’t forget that you’ll get to do mouth-to-mouth on those girls if ever needed. Damnit, we’re actually going to put in our application right now!

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2 responses so far

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  • Gay List

    Golf is gay. If you were going to be a professional “athlete”, why would you chose the one with the lamest groupies and NO guaranteed money. You guys probably aspire to be gay pornstars too. While I’m at it, fashion photogs are all fags too. You are a closeted fag list creator.



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