Jun 19 2012
A man is measured by certain barometers. One can say how he acts with a little bit too much alcohol in him is one of the strongest. As most of us know, seeing a friend completely off his face can really tell you some things about both him and your friendship.
If he acts like a total tool, you may consider ditching him – or just punching him in the face. When he can’t handle five tequila shots in ten minutes – hell, who can? – you may want to remind him it’s not Freshmen year anymore. But if he happens to be the perfect drunk, who suggests the best ideas, always willing to go with the drunken flow, while living up every second, than you know to look forward to his company.
We’re guessing a guy like that is someone who might suggest these drunken acts that will no doubt leave you with great memories – even though there’s no chance in hell any of you remember them. Enjoy ‘em now, ’cause once you settle down, they’ll be few and far between.
Hit The Strip
We’re not talking about going downtown where there’s a bunch of overcrowded bars and underage drinkers, but instead about where you’ll want to go after you’ve realized that’s not your scene – yep, the strip club. It’s pretty obvious when you think about it. Horny, drunk dudes need somewhere to live-out their sexual fantasies, and there’s nothing worse than trying to sneak a quick call to a Craigslist posting in order to do it. Once you weasel your way into not paying cover, and chat up the strippers, there’s a good chance you’ll be the one closing the place down… and maybe even scoring yourself a free, all-night lapper.
Get Kicked Out of a Bar
This sounds miserable, but if you want to prove your worth, it’s an absolute must. But beware, you don’t want it to be more than being a drunken moron that gets you kicked out. If you happen to start a fight, you’re a tool. If you get a drink poured on you for grabbing a girl’s ass, you’re a creep. If you sneak into the kitchen and are caught stealing food, you’re a genius. Let’s face it, if it’s a memory worth repeating the next day, than you need to do it.
Drop a Hot Tab
We’ve all been in the precarious position when you’re so hammered you kind of forget about that whole, “I’m not spending more than the fifty bucks cash I have” thing. If you’re on one of those tips, go ahead and do it right! We’re not advising you to go all Wayne on ‘em and start buying bottles or anything, but having a tab over $250 is always something you’ll need to have happen a couple times in your life.
Bang on the Beach
When in Barcelona last summer, our first night was a complete shock. We went from drinking at a bar, to closing down a club and walking on the beach with some Spanish-speaking chick at 7am. What happened next is for R-rated audiences only, so we hope you get the point. While drunk, you want to get laid, so where better than the beach to do just that? Just don’t be the guy who only goes out to get laid, otherwise you’ll stick out like a soar thumb.
Even More Uncoachable Stuff
- The Only 5 Realistic Ways You’re Ever Having Sex with a Hot Stripper
- Boy Finds $63K Worth of Whale Vomit……. Seriously
- Faux Phrases You Don’t Want to Hear from a Woman
- Sorry to Disappoint, But ‘Octomom’ Cancelled All Her Stripper Performances
- Strip Clubs: To Tell or Not To Tell, That is the Question