. How To Have Sex Without Making Your Roommates Mad |

Jun 13 2012

Score Without Pissing Off Your Roommates

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

Living with people is never an easy thing. You find yourself sharing a bathroom, wondering whose food is whose, and tend to argue about what to watch on TV. One of the tougher things to deal with is the whole hook-up situation though.

We know that a relationship can end on a moments notice, but roommates tend to last a lifetime – or at least until the lease runs out. Sharing a space can have its challenges, which means your buddies typically know all about your sex biz.

But just because you’re living with someone, doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your ability to bang out, unless it’s in the kitchen, cause that’s just kind of gross. Follow some of these tips though, and your roomies won’t be too pissed about you going all the way.

Keep It Down, Bro

Have some fun, but keep it as quiet as possible! Make a deal that whoever comes the most silently gets to pick the time and place of the next quickie. Have you ever seen your chick try to muffle her moans with a pillow? It’s insanely hot. A gentle reminder with your hand over the mouth doesn’t hurt either.

Don’t Do The Humpty Dance

Bring out your inner handyman, and tighten any loose screws on your bed. First, you won’t have to worry about banging so hard that the damn thing breaks, but second (and most importantly), pulling the bed away from other furniture and walls won’t create a damn drumming sound to wake-up your roomies. Extra points if you actually tell the dudes at Home Depot what your project actually is… which of course is sex-soundproofing.

Bring in Some Backup Noise

Music. Fans. White noise machines. Anything to help keep her moaning from disturbing the peace in the house. If you’re a dude who’s sleeping alone, the last thing you want is to be bothered by a chick moaning and groaning about three feet away through a wall. We highly suggest not yelling this!

Figure Out When the House is Empty

The advantage of this rule is you can disregard rules 1-3, so don’t be shy with the screaming. It’s pretty obvious that when the roomies are away, the whole house is in play, so take advantage of the empty space, and step out of the bedroom and onto the back patio or in the bathroom. As long as you clean the evidence, you’re straight.

Bang Someone Who Has Their Own Place

You don’t need a PhD to understand this is the easiest way to avoid any problems with your bros. It might suck being stranded over at her place all the time, but if you’re banging out, do you really care? We know we wouldn’t! Oh, did we also mention that this saves you from ever having to buy earplugs or breakfast the next morning for your roommates because the whole situation becomes moot anyway? That should definitely be an added bonus – well, and the fact she’ll be into more kinky stuff since she’s on her home turf.





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