. The Things We Wish We Could Control |

Jun 04 2012

Things We Wish We Could Control

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

While we were driving today, we honestly couldn’t help but scream at the way people were driving. We get that it’s late afternoon, and all people want to do is get home from work, but can we save the ridiculousness that comes with stopping and going, while trying to talk on the cell phone or turn up the radio?

Though we finally cooled down by getting to our destination – about 20 minutes later than expected – it still gave us some serious motivation to write a post about the things we wish we could control.

We know that there’s no way in hell any of this will actually happen, but a dude can dream, right?

Our Girlfriends’ Horniness

It’s pretty obvious that all guys think about is sex. In fact, if you don’t think about boobs 24/7, we question your masculinity. Since there’s no chance our girl will ever equal our sexual restlessness, we still wish there was a special switch to turn on and off when we really want some ass. Save us the charming and the foreplay, and just give us a quickie underneath the table. After a long day of work, that switch would be awesome to turn “on.”

Annoying Loud Talkers

We’re not bashing folks who like to talk, because if we were doing that, it’d be the ultimate pot calling the kettle black. But we don’t like the people who just seem to go on and on about God knows what, while talking as if they’re yelling over a crowd of 10,000. It’s bad enough that everyone can hear what they’re saying already, but we’re not sure it’s worse than the fact they’re oblivious to it?

Crop Dusters

We once had a dude crop dust us while riding down an escalator. Do you know how gross that is? It’s pretty much like having the guy basically just spread his ass, and rip one in our face. Luckily we were able to hold our breath for the remaining ride down, but it got us pretty pissed off about how people think it’s appropriate to fart in public, and drag that awful smell behind them. It’s your butt’s natural cologne, so no one wants to smell it.

Slow Drivers

We mentioned in the opener about how mad this makes us, but let us reiterate – IT REALLY PISSES US OFF! Please tell us the reason for someone to ever go under the speed limit? The little person who determined the appropriate speed, did so assuming drivers would be smart enough to at least go that speed at the minimum. So why are we still stuck behind you going 25 in a 40 mile per hour zone?

Our Boners

So we were kind’ve thinking that this just needs to be added to the list. Though we never want to sacrifice the sexual fantasies we get while seeing a chick with monster jugs, it’s never cool to be thinking about it too much, and end up with something harder than a piece of titanium in your pants. It completely blows when getting one at unexpected times, so it’d be great to have a little more control over the guy once in awhile.

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