. The Worst Ways to Die |

May 31 2012

The 5 Worst Ways to Die

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

Let us first start by saying we were extremely hesitant to write this. We try to stay away from depressingly worrisome articles that freak people out, but in the light of hearing the news about the damn psycho down in Miami, we felt it was kind of appropriate.

If you haven’t heard, the absolute worst way to die occurred the other day when a naked homeless dude on LSD decided he needed to feed his appetite by gnawing on another guy’s face. It’s sick enough that it happened, but the fact that other people actually caught him swallow the dudes eye makes it borderline barf material just thinking about.

Waking up this morning, we thought, “Damn, that seriously happened. Wonder what other ways would be awful to die?” Well, here’s what we came up with.


There’s very little worse than being stranded somewhere that’s so deprived of water, that you literally can’t have a drop of water in your body. When you’re cramping up, spitting up blood, and can’t cry to yourself because you know you’re dying, it’s about the end for you bud.


We couldn’t imagine heading somewhere thinking you’re going to catch some rays, check out some chicks, and drink a few beers, only to end up drowning. It can happen for a number of different reasons, so make sure you remember to put on your floaties and play it safe. Even then though, it’s still number five on the U.S. accidental death list. Happy summer!

Being Buried Alive

Umm, what? So you’re still breathing, probably locked in something that you can’t escape from, and will be hidden somewhere completely unknown where there’s probably zero chance for you to be saved? All while either suffocating or starving to death? Yeah, that sounds like a completely miserable way to go.

Being Eaten By A Wild Animal

This can be something as big as a black bear cracking your neck and going to town on you – while you’re still alive, to those small little fire ants taking revenge on you for always stomping on their black ant siblings. In either case, you’ll die, it’s just one’s a very painful experience that will be your last thoughts, while another will wilt away your body due to a venom injected into you. Either one just sounds awful to us!

Being Stabbed

We’ve never been stabbed, so we’re (luckily) not claiming to be experts on it. But considering we cry like a schoolgirl when we prick our finger against a needle, something tells us having a 12-inch blade, sharpened with the purpose of penetrating human flesh, probably isn’t a great way to go. Knowing how we cut the hell out of a steak before eating it, kind of makes us squirm if ever on the other side of that.

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8 responses so far

  • Carlton

    Good list. They all would suck. One recommended correction though – the dude in Florida was on synthetic bath salts, not LSD. I’ve never used LSD, so I’m not trying to “save its reputation,” but even bad LSD trips don’t tend to end in becoming a zombie. Also, these synthetic salts are really bad news, so the more bad press they get, the better.

  • Rich

    Hmm. Don’t know if I agree with you on a couple of these. I’ve read that drowning is not as bad as it would seem. While I’m sure there’s the initial panic and terror at the realization of the moment, the lack of oxygen would lead to passing out relatively quickly. Same would apply to being buried alive. I’ve read that freezing to death is extremely painful. I’ve walked into cold river water before and had my legs and feet cramp-up. The pain can get pretty severe quickly. Descriptions of people burning to death are extremely horrific and painful. Also, there are certain venoms from snakes, spiders, jellfish, etc. that surviving victims describe as being so severe you literally wish you would die. That sounds like a really bad way to get there.

  • Alex

    Why isn’t “being burned alive” not on this list???

  • Lynxis

    I can’t help but think that the writer of this has little imagination…

  • MandoZink

    It was not LSD. Even poorly made LSD, which still contains lysergic acid amides or analogs of LSD with psychoactive properties , does not lead to this sort of behavior. This was likely to be either “bath salts”, PCP, amphetamines or a combination thereof – not LSD!

    There are more myths about LSD than any other drug.

  • http://joemichaels.wordpress.com Joe

    Rabies is supposedly the worst death according to experts. The virus blocks the brain from the natural pain killers you’d otherwise receive. It also blocks medically-provided pain killers. You never lose consciousness. AND it’s very painful.

  • Morellio

    -Flesh eating bacteria
    -Exposure to harsh conditions on other planets

  • Pingback: The 5 Worst Ways To Die | Don Chavez



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