. Memorial Day |

May 28 2012

The Best Things About the U.S. of A.

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

Anytime we get a day off from work when it’s mid-90′s out, we’re pumped. It gives us an extra weekend day to go HAM, while doing nothing but lounging around the pool and checking out chicks.

While we stand-up to salute our forefathers that so proudly fought for America, we must also bask in the glory and brag about this great country. From East to West, everyone around should realize that while there’s clearly crap that’s really messed-up here, it’s not nearly as bad as it could be.

For that reason, we wanted to take a quick minute and tell you exactly why we’re the biggest, baddest, and best country anyone could ever ask for. If you don’t believe us, just take a sip of that brew and think about it. God bless the red, white, and blue!

Man vs. Wild

Okay, so the show might of been cancelled because Bear Grylls had some stupid contract dispute, but when the show was at its finest was when Grylls was feasting on hand-caught catfish, making boats of damn wheat grass, and doing, well, everything awesome. He may not me American, but damnit the dude reps our great country pretty darn well!

Bud Heavy

If you’re a beer drinking – which, if you’re a guy you are – than there’s nothing that quenches the thirst quite like an ice cold Budweiser. Born in St. Louis, this drink symbolizes everything America should be proud of. It’s not snobby, but it’s tasty. Not super heavy, but not wussy light. And it’s good enough that other country’s know to have it on tap so when we visit, we can toast to George Washington!

Muscle Cars

We’re not much into dick-offs, but if there’s one thing we can give a pass on, it’s a drag race, mano e mano, in two sick sports cars. There’s something about taking a piece of junk, renovating it, and making it growl like a damn wolf. Are the cars foreign? Most of the time, but we can get past that since this is an article about why America rocks. You get extra points if it’s a Stang though. #America.

Jean Shorts

Did we invent them? Probably not. Do we care? Nope. Are we taking credit for having our ladies perfect how to properly pull them off? You bet your ass! Whenever we think of jean shorts, we can’t help but think of a girl wearing an American Flag bikini top, washing a car, just leaning all over the windshield. Yep, that’s why America’s so great, because of that image.


You didn’t think we’d have a “Best of…” list without including a furry upper lip, did you? People in other country’s may know what it takes to grow and maintain one, but the sense of humor in this country, knowing that it’s clearly for show and not for the look, separates us from those uptight b*tches! We say screw Uncle Sam, let Selleck or Burt rep our country!

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