May 24 2012
There’s certain times when a guy just needs to know when (and how) to say “No”. The obvious one’s when your girl calls you at midnight, frantically going on and on about how she’s freaking out about her job interview tomorrow, or the girl in the office that’s trying to start a cat fight.
Though it’s typically feels better to say “yes,” you’ve got to grab your nuts, man-up, and drop the big no sometimes. If you’re looking for situations when that might be, you’re in luck, ’cause we’ve got a couple for you right here. Forget those anti-drug PSA’s, these are things you really need to be cautious of. Oh, and just so you know, whenever sex or getting drunk is involved, the answer should clearly always be “yes”.
When Harassed By a Bum
This is a pretty obvious one, but for some reason, dudes really struggle with it? We get that you want to help out, but how much is a couple bucks going to help anyway? The classic, “Oh sorry, I would, but I don’t have any cash,” is always clutch. While jiggling your hand around in your pocket seems like you’re doing them a favor by “checking,” it’s not, so simply say “No” and be on your way… and avoid routinely passing the same area if possible.
When Someone Wants You to Watch Their Stuff
This is really common at the coffee shops for some reason. People tend to forget that caffeine makes you piss like a damn racehorse, so they often get up a lot, leaving iPhones, MacBooks, and in some cases their wallets just chilling on the table. We get that you want to keep your spot and not take all your crap with you, but we don’t want to be responsible if something’s gone once you get back. What makes it worse is there’s no real protocol. Are they gone for two minutes, or 15? Just say “No,” and avoid any confusion.
When Building Something Stupid in Your Backyard
This is completely random, but we just can’t ignore it. True story, we know a dude, who’s married with kids, over the age of 30, that just built a remote control car racetrack in his backyard. At what point did it cross his mind that that would be a good idea? Had he consulted us, you know the exact answer we’d give him. We like his enthusiasm to build something, but this? Couldn’t be like a treehouse for the kids or a garden to grow stuff?
When a Stripper Asks If You Want a Lap Dance
Heading to the strip joint is every guy’s God-given right. There’s a common bond between guys while there, unlike a bar, where dudes seem to literally prey on chicks, and it’s survival of the fittest – or the one that drops most dime on a girl. At the joint, it’s almost like kindergarten, where guys wait their turn to get the girl they want. That’s why when a stripper actually comes up to you, asking for your money, you have to tell her to get away. You get to choose who to waste money on, not her, so if you want that blond girl with huge boobs, you wait 45 minutes to get that blonde girl with big boobs!
When Your Boss Asks You to Work Saturday
We’ve all seen Office Space. No one in their right mind wants to give up a Friday night of getting hammered, and/or a Saturday morning of sleeping in, in order to come work at a cubicle for a couple hours. While “No” would be the appropriate answer, we’re thinking a certain four-lettered “F” word, followed by “off” would serve its point much better.
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