. Reasons The NBA Champion Will Be Tainted |

May 11 2012

Why The Next NBA Champion Will Be Forever Tainted

Published by at 9:00 am under Editorial

While the NBA Playoffs continue to lug along, the storylines have been anything but the quality of play. While we attest that we’re still glued to our TV till those West Coast games end – that’s the price of being a bandwagon Mamba fan – the First Round has been so dull, we actually admit to going back and forth between Million Dollar Listing episodes and the games.

As we look at the calendar and realize the damn things started almost two weeks ago, and we painfully had to endure series like Spurs/Jazz – as if that even needed to be played – we can’t help be pissed that we’re getting slighted this year.

There may not be a surefire winner, but if bets hold true, it looks like the Heat and Thunder are on a crash course to the Finals. Sure, David Stern and NBA lifers would be happy about that title round, but we’ll tell you why whoever ends up lifting the Larry O’Brien trophy this year will join the ranks of teams that shouldn’t be taken seriously as champs, while offering a couple suggestions how the playoffs could be more entertaining.


This is the single most reason this year’s champ will be an NBA Chump. When All-Stars, MVP’s, and Defensive Player’s of the Year like Derrick Rose and Dwight Howard can’t help their team’s chase the dream, well it’s kind’ve like finding out TBS is having an all day Saved By The Bell rerun day, only to find out it was the new class, and not the real thing. Yeah, it sucks.

The MJ Factor

Oh those poor mid-90′s Houston Rockets. You may have won the NBA Title in back-to-back years, but in many peoples mints, you didn’t earn it. That’s what happens when the greatest player in NBA history happens to call it quits to pursue slamming a ball over a fence, rather than through a nylon net. From then on, when the best players aren’t part of the knockout round, the winner won’t get the respect they earn. Insert Rodney Dangerfield reference here.

The LeBron Factor

You may love LBJ, but trust us, not too many people do. If there’s one thing Bron Bron haters can’t wait to pounce all over, it’s the fact that if The King captures his first title while the stakes were lower, he can’t be held on the level of Magic, Bird, or Kobe. It’ll be bad if he wins, but if they choke again, trust us, the media will be on a Tebowian level about how his failures. So yeah, Lebron just won’t win this year, even if he actually wins.

Three Point Shootout

We already mentioned how we were a little pissed off the Spurs had to actually waste a portion of the team’s budget on tickets to and from Salt Lake City – it could’ve been used to buy a better mascot - but wouldn’t it be interesting if the NBA decided the two teams were so unevenly matched that they have them take part in some of the All-Star Game Contests? Yep, you heard us right, we’re talking full-fledged three-point and dunk contests. Line up the starters, set ‘em up around the arc, and let the treys rain down! Hell, go ahead and throw in a couple sixers of Natty to really make things interesting.

The Lockout

We’re big NBA fans, but we’ll just go ahead and address the elephant in the room: This season should’ve been washed away. We hated hearing about all the labor disputes day after f*ckin’ day, but the season just felt like a shotgun wedding. Two sides who didn’t really love each other, but they loved the thought of being together. And as we know, that never ends well…

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