Each day that goes by is another day I get closer to being a father.   And that means every single day is a bit scarier than the next.   Granted it’s very exciting and I’m looking forward to being a father, but I’m still quite nervous.  In fact I’d say nervous doesn’t really cover the amount of emotions I’m feeling every day.

In fact the more I think about it the more I sound like a little girl.   That’s what an expecting father turns into.  A little whiny hormone filled girl.  Oh well.   Check that off as another thing they don’t tell you.

Oh have I forgotten to mention my wife?   Yeah, that’s another little handbook they need to make.  One for men with expecting wives.    So yeah, here are five things they don’t tell you about your wives who are going to eventually give birth….

Burping Becomes Ridiculous

Fellas, if you think you know how to burp then congratulations.  If you have an expecting wife then you really don’t know what burping is.  Whatever skills you thought you had, throw them out the window.  I guarantee you that your lady is a much better burper than you are now.

Women Fart just as Much as Men

As far as I’m concerned if you’re in a relationship where both you and your wife can’t fart in front of each other then what’s the point?  When women do it, it’s kind of cute.   But if there has to be a line drawn then I’m gonna say it’s the pregnancy line.   Womanly farts are cute.   A fart that a woman makes that sounds like a man’s?  Not cute.

Hair can Grow There on a Woman?  Yup

Yes, my wife currently has hair around her belly button.   This is something I really didn’t anticipate.   It’s not like my hair but it’s hair nonetheless.  Hormones are a very strange thing and I do hope these hairs fall out.

Stay Away When Emotions Run High

Crying, anger, you name it.   Out of nowhere come tantrums, episodes, breakdowns.   My advice?  Just sit there and take it.  When pregnancy hormones kick in, your lady is not herself so trying to do anything about it is a losing battle.  Just let it pass.  Do the past you can.  Swallow your pride.  She’s gonna yell and scream and you just have to take it.

Hemorrhoids Aren’t Just For Men

Enough said.   Gross.

Food is Never Good Enough

I never knew it was possible for a woman to all of a sudden love certain foods and then hate others.  Not to mention the actual smell of foods.  It’s crazy.   Everything you knew about her food tastes are now gone.   And you have no clue what in the hell she’ll ever want.

P.S.  I love my wife and every single thing that’s going on.   Don’t worry honey it’s just a stupid article!