May 07 2012
If you’re a guy, you know it totally sucks when you catch yourself daydreaming a little bit you probably shouldn’t, and before you know it, have yourself a full-fledged rager. Our secret to get it down? Think of random numbers, pencils, and desks. If that doesn’t work, the ol’ Texas Belt Buckle is always a solid option, but even that’s pretty risky and doesn’t always work.
Sure, girls have a ton of problems that happen with their bods, but most of the time, it’s nowhere near as embarrassing – plus, our “things” have a mind of their own, so we can’t really prep for it.
Since we only hope it’s not your turn to present to the group after a little too much perverted thoughts, here’s a couple reasons to avoid the subject to begin with. You definitely don’t want to be known as that guy…
You Can Never Seem to Get it Down
We gave you a couple suggestions above to get rid of the thing, but short of cutting it off (never an option), there’s not an easy solution. They come at the most inopportune times, and make you feel like you’ve had one for hours – but don’t contact your Doctor, just try really, really hard (no pun intended) to think of something horrifying. We typically get one when we’re nervous. Is that weird? Probably.
A Girl Catches You With One
We once knew a kid who crapped his pants while running the mile in middle school. That poor kid heard about it all the way through graduating high school, and since we’re complete jerks, it’s actually the first thing we think about when we hear his name. Like poop-kid, once a chick catches you touching any part of your shaft in a public place, it’s never a simple, “I was readjusting,” yet always a, “He was completely pleasuring himself to the hot chick’s giant ones.”
You Can’t “Take Care of It”
We’ve been on record as saying both “Respect my boner,” and to “Never waste a boner.” Believing to practice what we preach, we’d typically enjoy a boner better than the next person. For about all the reasons you can think of, being somewhere in public and “doing the deed” don’t go hand in hand. Is that rule assumed or is it actually written somewhere? Either way, it sucks you can’t quickly fix it.
You’re In Sweatpants or Mesh Shorts
Rolling into class or work hungover, wreaking of alcohol and sex from the night before is a rite of passage for every guy. Once you’ve done it, you realize all those hours you spent getting ready in high school were a complete waste. However, as a gentlemen, the worst thing that can possibly happen is when “that little guy” starts rubbing the soft interior, gets a little too comfortable, and starts moving around. Everything’s visible, so there’s no chance in hell you’re covering it up.
Even More Uncoachable Stuff
- 15 Awesomely Carved Pumpkins
- Another Funny Collection of Untimely Public Erections
- Ridiculously Nice High Schools and Colleges From Around the World
- The Untimely Boner: Look Man, It’s Just a Guy Being A Guy
- Do You Think You Can Break Through In Your Career?