Apr 19 2012
A couple years ago, our now ex-girlfriend got us started on this whole workout class thing. It’s not as if it was something new, but we always pictured our Mom going to a damn aerobics class when we were younger as the bearing for never wanting to go.
After succumbing to the pressure and doing a spin class with her, we officially got hooked, and now make sure we go at least twice a week. People say the classes are “so much more challenging” than just going for a 5-mile run – which is probably true. But to be honest, we only go for the girls. When you’re batting three dudes to 25 in-shape chicks, wearing black stretchy pants, it’s the way to workout.
Now that we’re on-board, there’s always questions about which ones are okay to be seen at, and which ones might be stretching your femininity a little bit too much. Since we know there’s some we really don’t want to be part of, here are the ones you can break a sweat at, and some you just never want to be seen in.
We’ll put it like this, if we wanted to dance, we’d get obliterated, crash a damn wedding, and own the dance floor all night. People claim this class is fun, but those are the same people who stay home alone on the weekend because they don’t have anyone to go out with. Sorry, but if shaking your hips is your way to burn fat, then might we suggest stripping instead?
Have you ever been to a sculpt class? If you have, then you’ll know to never dog it. We were once quoted as saying that we’d rather run 10 miles then spend an hour beating every single muscle in our body to hell. As a fair warning, you need to be “all there” in order to try and complete a full class. If you’re just going so you can see the reflection of 20+ girls’ boobs bounce in the mirror, you’ll be the p*ssy leaving halfway through the class.
Hot chicks accessible to you at all angles while on a stationary bike? Working out – and running game – has never been so easy. Depending on the intensity of the class, you can get a solid workout in, while also enjoying the many perks of each girls booties. Since you control how much resistance is really on the wheel, you can really just sit there checking the girls outâ€¦ not that you’d want to be a creep or anything.
Guys’ bodies are not assembled to bend in such positions, and if you by chance can pull off any of these moves, we question the tools you’ve got below your belt. It’s a skill that requires mental and physical discipline, which means that dimepiece next to you is more focused on not falling on her ass, than what your name is.
If there’s one class you never need to go to, it’s this one. We’ll put it like this: Our Grandma has a stepper that she uses every day for 15 minutes. The fact that you’ll be doing something that an 81-year-old lady does for an hour is embarrassing enough, but once you realize it’s literally just a variation of different steps for an hour – most of which will make you bite it – and you’ll really want to kill yourself.
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