Apr 17 2012
As if we really need to list more reasons why growing a beard is one of the greatest advantages a dude has over a girl, we just had to go there. With the NHL Playoffs starting this past weekend, and one of the many quirky superstitions those crazy ice skating dudes have is growing a lucky playoff beard, it only made sense to us.
Now we need to give a disclaimer here that this isn’t at all supposed to be read as a grooming guide to a proper beard. We’re not at all talking about the nicely trimmed, ready to score some ass beard. The beards we love are the ones that you just decide to never bother with. The James Harden beards. The Rick Ross beards. And yes, dare we say, the Grizzly Adams beards.
For all those guys out there that sometimes just need to give their face a vacation from shaving for two to three months, this is an article for you. We support your decision, and fully support each and every one of those little hairs on your face.
1. Zero Upkeep
It feels good knowing that you can score an extra 15 minutes of sleep each morning because you don’t need to worry about your face having a little too much stubble on it. A solid beard’s actually supposed to look a little nappy and gross, so it’s frowned upon if it looks like you’ve been trying a little too hard to make it perfect. Just live with your decision bro, and let that sh*t grow.
2. Girls Hate It
We’re not saying we like to piss girls off, but it does feel a little beast mode when every aspect of our lives seem to be dictated by our girlfriend or wife all the time, yet when we decided to grow a beard, they can only sit and watch. Sure, they’ll completely dog it, tell you how awful it looks, and even claim it scratches their face (among other things) when you’re getting it on, but they’ll deal with it since you’re not doing a thing to clean it up.
3. A Very Distinct Smell
It’s obvious that when you’re growing something that has all the sweat, blood and glory of a month’s worth of activities in it, it’s going to smell. In most cases, this may be frowned upon, but in the case of a massive furball on your face, it’s totally acceptable. Be proud of your musk, and let everyone know that though it stinks, you don’t really give a sh*t!
4. Flavor Savor
Much like the scent of a good beard, if you’re anything like us, you know it’s important to give it some flavor – literally! Enjoying that queso a little too much? Save some on the side of your lip to lick throughout the day! Yep, it’s completely disgusting, but you’ve got the damn thing for like 30 days all year, own it!
5. You Just Look Cool
No one should spend too much time worrying about how a beard looks, so to all those dudes who try, we say “screw you!” The dudes who decide planting a bush on their face is right for whatever reason, we respect the hell out of you. Some do it after a recent layoff, others do it for good luck, and then there’s those who just get lazy and let it get a little out of hand. No matter what your reason, you look like someone we’d want to be drinking with.
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