Mar 27 2012
Now that Tim Tebow got shipped out of Denver and straight into the Big Lights – as if that’s anything we all needed – he now has to try and coexist with another young, popular Quarterback to share the ball with.
Although the Jets are publicly saying all the right things, there has to be some privately in the organization that think this is just about the dumbest thing the J-E-T-S could have done this offseason. They first extend “Sanchize” for big money, than contemplate going after Peyton Manning, giving a vote of confidence to Marky Mark to continue leading the funky bunch, yet make a trade for Christ’s kid, Tebow.
Little Timmy may be excited, but that anticipation will quickly turn sour once the fans are divided, the team gets split down the middle, and all things go to hell.
Regardless of our not-so positive outlook for this experiment, we do think that Tebow will outlast Sanchez. We could point to a number of reasons – the first being the signed deal TT has with God – but decided these are a bit more believable.
It’s the Jets, Baby!
Remember when Jeremy Lin first broke onto the scene about six weeks ago? Sh*t was absolutely insane, and every single pun that could be used, was. The attention he got was for the Knicks, who, although beloved in the City, aren’t exactly cared about by many outside of it. The Jets have been the most drama-filled franchise the past couple years. From Rex Ryan’s antics, to Sanchez’s men’s mag wardrobes, this team has been the bully’s on the block, who everyone seems to give attention to. Adding Tebow won’t lessen that one bit.
No matter how big Sanchez becomes, he’ll absolutely never be considered in Tebow’s class. It’s completely unfair, and we hope we eat our words on this, but unless dude leads his team to a Super Bowl win without any help from Timmy, he’ll never get full props. Tebow on the other hand, can complete 45% of his passes, bull rush for a TD, while doing a little Tebowing, and he’ll get just as many headlines.
He’s a Virgin
Tebow has the world’s most popular V-card! Honestly, there’s a ton of girls just drooling at the thought of stashing that thing into their pretty Louis Vuitton wallets one day. That actually may be the single biggest reason Tebow succeeds, because he’s a Virgin. New York has some killer-looking chicks, so he’ll have plenty of chances to shag anyone he wants. Regardless if he’s a backup, starter, or complete bust, we all know that news of him doing anything with a girl will be completely groundbreaking!
If Lin-sanity Can Do It, Anyone Can
We mentioned Jeremy Lin earlier, but this is a reminder about what the kid did. He played at Harvard, went undrafted, bounced around with a couple teams between the Association and the Developmental League, and somehow landed in the biggest media market on the planet, starting at Point Guard for their pro team. Oh, and did we mention it was in the regular season, when it didn’t really matter all that much? We’d say the pedigree of having a Heisman Trophy and a couple National Titles will all but solidify Tebow’s lifelong key to the city, even if all he does is break some spectacular runs.
He’s Tim Tebow
As much unwarranted pub as we have to hear about him, every time his name gets tossed around, he always comes out on top. That high school kid who seemed to letter in everything, score high on his SAT’s, bang the hottest chicks (or in Tebow’s case, hold their hands), and seemed to have everything figured out? Somehow that Golden Boy lifestyle hasn’t worn off this dude yet. If nothing else, because Tim Tebow is Tim Tebow, he’ll end up a New York City legend.
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