Feb 27 2012
To be a professor, one must be smart, organized, and a solid leader. Receiving the highest of praise in their respected fields is great, but at the end of the day, they’re all the same.
Between all the jager bombs and bongs of brew you take in college, there’s the pleasure (or displeasure) of meeting your professors. How great they are is a complete crapshoot, but you’ve got to take the good with the bad.
Before you’re able to raise your glass high on graduation night, you’ll have surely had each of these folks – we know we can relate.
This guy is old. Like ancient. He may not have aged like a fine bottle of wine, but he’s got the knowledge to actually teach you something. Chances are he’s not a fan of the modern drinking traditions, but listen carefully and you may hear about his rockin’ parties from the medieval times.
The One Who Thinks She’s Still In College
This breed, usually a young male or female still in their 20’s, is easily the most enjoyable professor on campus. She’ll assign you an essay and cancel it a week later, or talk about the current news, rather than the boring stuff that no one cares about. Ka-ching! Don’t be afraid to bring her to a frat party, she may show you how she got through grad school. No one can handle that much stress without a little alchy! NOTE: Sexy TA’s are approved to party with you.
The One Who Picks Favorites
Suck up for that A, kids! This professor may seem nice at first, but he’ll pick a favorite student based on the first assignment, and you better hope that it’s you. Don’t even think about disagreeing or starting an argument in this class, it will only end in a failing grade. Oh, and that whole attendence thing? He’ll run roll before each class. Beware.
The One Who Hides
Not even the GPS can find this one. Usually tenured, this professor will speak vaguely in class and scoot as soon as it’s over. Their three office hours a week – which are scheduled conveniently during your hangover time – leave much to be desired. On the plus side, they may have some wine in their office if you somehow catch them there. Something’s better than nothing, right?
One of the more friendly species of professors, the hippie will encourage you to be unconventional, while breaking the bounds of knowledge… with or without a little help. Put your thesis in the conclusion, and start writing your papers backwards, she doesn’t care! She probably marched in the Civil Rights movement right before camping out at Woodstock, so she’s definitely cultured. Don’t mind the smell… “a skunk” must’ve sprayed her on the way to class.
The Wicked Witch
We hope you’re not Greek, play a sport, participate in a club, or party, because she won’t have any of it. She’ll maintain a ridiculous schedule of movie nights and outside of class meetings, and she won’t hesitate taking it out on your grade if you’re too busy playing flip cup somewhere else. She’s just taking out her anger on you for never, ever, having fun in her entire life.
Even More Uncoachable Stuff