Jan 13 2012
Ahh, your High School reunion. A time for everyone – or 50 people – from your class to spend time together, catch-up on each other’s lives, and get absolutely tanked once again like the good ol’ days.
Problem is, with the social world we live in now, it’s nearly impossible not to already know that the captain of the football team has already gone bald, your Chemistry crush was knocked up by two different dudes, and sadly, the dude everyone used to call Klitz, has ironically made it big in the porn world.
No need to fret though… actually, yes there is! There’s absolutely a terrific reason to be pissed off. Look, we go back for our reunion for one reason: to get hammered and hope to hook-up with rando’s we graduated with. If we already know what’s going on in their lives, it’s like we’ve prescreened everything and the adventure’s gone. It’s like Match.com or something.
We’re not happy Facebook’s taken this from us, and here are a couple reasons why you should be mad too.
1. You Already Know She’s Pregnant (and Had another Kid)
Everyone had a High School crush – or several, but when you creepily (and understandably) still look at her pics on the ‘book, you already know you can’t have her. Sure, she may still be cool as all hell, but your hope was to bag her at the ten year, not socialize about how cute her damn kids are!
2. Yep, There’s Still Cliques
Thanks to Mark Zuckerberg’s great cash cow, we’ve been able to keep up with all of our friends – meaning all the inside jokes, the drinking memories, even the nicknames are fully intact. How’s this effect you? Well it shouldn’t, unless you’re the dude who got picked on when you crapped your pants in third grade, and everyone’s still talking about it because they’ve had a social way of communicating for the past ten years.
3. It’s All Just Small Talk
“Oh really? I had no idea you were living in New York, and were trying to model?” We call your bluff dude, and so does she. Unless you have a Social Media Manager who handles your Facebook duties, you both know everything about each other. So what’s there to talk about? Oh, you know, the same things you already have published on your profile.
4. The Ignored/Cancelled Friend Requests
So you’re Mister Popular, garnering 2,000 friends on Facebook, and thought it’d be a good time to do some “house cleaning” and get rid of some. Well guess what? That dude who thought you were his best friend? Pissed. The girl who knows she had access to your profile once? Insane. Good luck explaining why they just weren’t important enough to still be on your list of over 500 friends. Look, we get it, but do they?
5. It’s The Elephant in the Room
Everyone knows everything, so it’s just huge awkwardness in the room. Back before Facebook, you’d hear stories about this or that that went on at older siblings reunions; but now, it’s just a bunch of 28-year-olds getting drunk, trying to play coy as if they know nothing about each other. And you definitely don’t want to be the one that comes in and actually references knowing something because of Facebook… that just makes it a ton worse.
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