Dec 27 2011
We’ve all been there. Catch a Happy Hour for a “couple drinks,” yet we find ourselves strolling home at 4am, chowing on Totino’s Pizza Rolls, and trying to remember to set our alarm for work the next day.
Hangover’s suck. Having to go into work the next day with one blows even more. You can probably get away with low-functioning for a couple hours, or maybe even napping in your cubicle, but a couple jobs are deadly to go to hungover – and these are them!
Fast Food Line Cook
Nothing beats having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn, and attempt to ignore your hangover by standing in front of the greasiest, nastiest grill ever. The aromas that come from that grease trap are enough to bring any man down to his knees. Add in a gut-wrenching hangover, and we’re not sure anyone can walk away upright from that unfortunate circumstance.
Portrait Studio Photographer
Working with small kids is always a chore, but add a never-subsiding hangover and double vision, and you make a job near impossible. Everyone knows those bratty, snot-faced kids are screaming their heads off, and all you want is just a smile out of them. Sure, signs say parents are responsible, but if that baby rolls one inch and falls smack on the floor, we all know who’s really getting sued. It’ll be the still-drunk, blood-shot eyed, bar-stamped photographer.
We applaud anyone with the mental capacity to follow an intense basketball game (high school level and above), so imagine the atrocities one might face while hungover. You’re already sweating balls, the end-of-the-period alarm is the most annoying thing ever, and to top it off, you’re running your ass up and down the court after a night of some serious boozing. Chances are you’re calling the water boy more than the actual players.
For the lucky bartenders, they can sleep off the night before and roll into work around 8pm. But for those who go out and party hard all night and have to go in for the lunch shift… we feel for your poor souls. On top of shaking-off your hangover, all that liquor you threw up the night before is there waiting for you, bright and early to taunt all of your symptoms. The captain stands laughing at you while you close your eyes, and attempt to pull your sad self together.
Disney World Character
Congratulations! You made it to work, and now have to stuff yourself into an oversized plush outfit. That South Florida heat in that suffocating Goofy costume probably feels amazing. Add a bunch of screaming brats wanting to hug you, high-five you, or even kick your ass, and Hell probably sounds better. Last night’s drunk hookup with the Princess didn’t turn into a happy ending after all.
The smell of anesthetics and medical supplies is nauseating enough, but combine that with your disgusting breath from all the liquor you devoured, and it’s pretty ugly. Keep your eyes on the road, because as that siren horns, the one destination you have in mind? The hospital bathroom to purge yourself of all last night’s poisons… and getting that guy there in time so he can live.
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