Everyone on the planet is guilty of assault. Even looking at someone with a pissed off expression can be construed as assault.

I had never heard of such an absurd etiquette rule. In fact, I was taught that in a formal dining situation, you should always keep both hands visible on the table. Putting your hand in your crotch is not appetizing for others.

I looked it up, and it turns out that keeping one hand under the table is a uniquely American rule of etiquette. In most other countries (including all of Europe, Canada, etc.), the opposite is true.

Many of the “rules” of etiquette are not inherently impolite, and really are completely arbitrary. For example, in some places, you must break bread with your fingers. Using a knife to cut a dinner roll is a sin. In other places, you are expected to use a knife, and tearing into bread with your fingers is a sign of savagery.

But does it really matter? I really have no patience for arbitrary forms of etiquette. For me, true mealtime etiquette involves not behaving in a way that would interfere with someone else’s enjoyment of their meal.

Maybe it is because I am an engineer, and we are very practically-minded people. We don’t have time for pomp and circumstance; we’re too busy making sure the world actually works.