. Uncoached - Five Sexual Accomplishments You'll Rarely Complete after the Age of 30 |

Sep 30 2011

Five Sexual Accomplishments You’ll Rarely Complete after the Age of 30

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

As a male you look back on your sexual life and are usually filled with some sort of nostalgia.   And it’s not necessarily for the encounters you could have had (Lord knows we all regret that) but because you realize the stuff you did then you have little chance of doing now.

I mean unless you’re a rock star, have millions of dollars, or are a star athlete, the chances of certain kinds of sexual conquests reduce dramatically with every year.  And since I’m 32 I figured I’d come up with some stuff I’ve noticed will never happen for me.  Well, I’m married.

But if I were single I highly doubt I’d have these chances again….

Having Sex with a Virgin


Yeah good luck with that guys out there.  Think about how awesome that would be.  To have that chance.  To be able to deflower someone would be a pretty awesome feat.  But after the age of 30?  Chances are probably slim to none.   If there’s one good thing about high school, that was most likely it.

Having Sex with a woman 20 years your senior


Every younger guy dreams of having sex with an older woman.   Imagine the thrill of a 40 year old if you’re 20.   But I would say 30 is when the buck starts to stop.  I mean unless we’re talking a Madonna or Demi Moore type, 50 isn’t the greatest age for women (or men for that matter).   It’s when older age starts to settle in.  Usually past 30 guys want women younger, not older.

Having a Threesome


I know lots of guys that had threesomes in college.  A  few in high school.  But honestly I’ve heard of none of that past 30.  Unless the situation was paid for I’ve never heard of a threesome at my age.  Like I said, I’m sure musicians and athletes are into that stuff on a weekly basis but not us regular dudes.

Having a One Night Stand


The only reason I bring this one up is because a lot of guys past 30 are either involved or the dates they go on might require work.  I mean how often can you really just pick up a chick in a bar and take her home that night in your 30s?  Most first date sex nights are pre arranged these days.  I’m talking about never met, never spoke to, never nothing, pick up in a bar, take her home and have sex.   Of the five on this list this one is your best bet.

Having Sex with Two Different People on the Same Day


This simply doesn’t happen in the real world.  It happens in college.   Anyone out there that can still pull this off, you are my hero.

 

 





Even More Uncoachable Stuff


14 responses so far

  • Glenn

    Done ALL of those several times in the last several years and I’m 57 an married :)

    • Natty

      Congratulations Glenn.

  • Meetch

    Yeah big ups Glenn, nailing a 77 year old must have been quite a challenge.

  • HSC001

    For a majority of males, the chances of any of these are slim even in your 20s……….

    Of course I don’t think this article really took women into account, which is deeply insightful as to why these things probably won’t happen for you, ever ;)

  • Benjamen

    Well, I was married at 21 and divorced at 31. I’m 34 now. Aside from the second with a 50 year old, I’ve done the other 4th regularly in the past years. I actually managed second with three girls in the same day not to long ago :)

    funny thing is I didn’t do any of these before. Catching up for lost time maybe.

    Also no hookers or strippers, normal women.

  • D-Man

    Chances of getting a girl 20 years older may go down, but…. chances of getting a girl 20 years younger go way up (once you pass 38, to keep things legal)!

  • Wang

    You must be quite a stud Benjamin……Say……are you happen to be into dudes with big wangs?

  • Turth

    Glenn beat me too it, but I’m 45.

    I had a 21 year old virgin last summer. Oh she had a lot of sexual experiences- but had never been penetrated. Cute too- and not just cute by 45 year old standards. And yes I did the deed.

    The only thing missing on my roster in the last 12 months is a 65 year old.

    But there’s Russian teller at my bank who has to be close to 65 and if I get the chance- it’s in the books.

    As a side note: It’s either stupidity, or incompetence, to think that older guys (or girls) don’t score in interesting ways. If you didn’t have game at 25… you might not have it at 45.

    If you want to play- you have to show up at the game.

    Also.. none of my fun comes from pros. It’s all free range pussy.

  • Joe

    When I was fifteen I was on a church youth group camp out. A sixteen year old hottie (we called them foxes back then) took me to a empty cabin for my first lay. Afterwards we went back to the cabin where the girls were staying and I took a shower with her best friend who gave me a blow job! Needless to say, it’s been all downhill from there!!

  • ms

    I’m 32 and all of those got easier then before. Sorry to disapoint.

  • eric

    Are you kidding? Other than the 20 years my senior, i’ve done all of those more times than I care to count since I was 35.

    Maybe the author of this piece just has no game/mojo/balls/whatever, but that kind of stuff almost seems to get easier the older I get.

  • Ben Brown

    I’m 34: sex with a virgin, one night stands, 2 girls in one day, check. All over the last year or so.

    I find this stuff gets easier as u get older. You’re not desperate and girls like that. Also, you just know when a girls interested or not, you know when to go for it and when to give up.

    If you look all right and can avoid getting fat and bald… girls of all ages like older guys. Not all of them, but a fair amount of them from what I can see.

    My 18 year old girlfriend, she wanted to lose her virginity to me b/c I knew what I was doing and I treated her with respect. I sometimes worry about the age gap but… well it’s not the worst problem ever experienced by man.

    It’s like that rolling stones song, time is on my side.

  • mighty mike

    Here, if you are interested.

    All of the above minus the 20yrs one. Plus, 3 married women in one week.

    The divorce was the best thing she ever did for me! oh, and I’m 45.

    It was a veerrrry good summer. :-)

  • D

    You all disgust me, and that is all I have to say about that. No wonder most women think men are pigs.

Categories

Archives

Uncoached Sites

Celebrity Toob

Celebrity Gossip, Pictures, Videos, Net Worth & Bios

TVOvermind

TV News, Reviews, Recaps, and Spoilers