. Uncoached - Five Small Things That Can Ruin a Whole Meal |

Sep 09 2011

Five Tiny Things that Can Ruin an Entire Meal….But Shouldn’t

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

Look we all know that if you accidentally get mustard a bunch of cole slaw or swordfish it’s probably going to be an issue.   But there are plenty of things that in the grand scheme are tiny issues when it comes to food that freak us out anyway.

Did you know there’s more bacteria in your own bed than most public toilets?  Yes, it’s true.  And that dogs mouths are cleaner than humans?   There are about 1000 facts like that yet we will always be who we will be:  paranoid idiots.

Sure you can get a disease from anything but Jesus the odds are quite low.  Which is why when these particular food things happen, don’t wig out as much as you probably do…..

When you see A Bug Land on It

There are some people that completely freak out when a fly lands on their food.  I guess it depends on where it happens.  If you’re in some fancy restaurant you probably don’t let it slide.  But if you’re at a barbecue and a fly touches your burger for two seconds I mean what can really happen?  Live a little.   I think any bug other than a fly is grounds for freaking out.

An Unwanted Hair

Again, this depends on whose hair it is.   But here’s what’s funny.  If it’s your own hair you don’t give a crap.  You pull it out and eat.  But God forbid it’s someone else’s (whose hair might be way healthier and cleaner than yours) then you go running for the hills.

The Mixing of Unwanted Anything

Sometimes a tiny bit of salt might ruin your pallet.  Sometimes a tiny bit of sugar might do the same.   We are very sensitive to slight changes in food we’ve grown to love.     Or the dreaded line “I hate when it touches!”   Would suck to get your mashed potatoes on that meat.

The Dreaded addition of a condiment you didn’t Ask For

My worst fear is that mustard will be added to any hamburger that I order.   There are some things that just don’t sit well with me.  There are other people that despise mayonnaise and if they are aware of even the slightest hint of it, they will freak out.  I think you get  my point.

A Second too Late or a Second too Early

This is usually how well cooked or how undercooked something is.   That can make or break a meal.

Even More Uncoachable Stuff

One response so far

  • cj

    I’d like to add one more to the list – “People who feel the need to talk about anything to do with bodily functions at the dinner table”….baby poop….going to the bathroom…..that giant pimple they popped that morning…..gross.



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