. Uncoached - How to Choose Bars When You're Older |

Jul 08 2011

Five Criteria for Bars as You Get Older

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

When you’re younger the allure of going to a bar just because you’re technically too young to get in is generally enough to get you to go.  You pretty much don’t care where you are as long as you know you can get alcohol and you feel cool just because you “got in.”

And once you actually do turn 21 you want to go to every bar because you are of legal age and it feels cool just to know you can get alcohol whenever you want.

One final point.  When you are younger you also generally want to go to bars that are “happening” as in crowded, have good ratios of guys to girls, and where everyone hangs out.

As you get older?  No so much.  The older you get the less you care.  Let me show with these five criteria for me going to a bar these days…..

If There’s a Cover Charge, I Don’t Go


There’s two instances where a cover charge is acceptable.  If a band is playing or there’s a crazy drink special like a 5 dollar cover and then 50 cent drinks the rest of the night.  That’s it.  Seriously, that’s it.   Why the hell am I paying to get into a place where I have to continue paying for stuff?  Because it’s cool? Because there are hot chicks there who are snotty?  No thanks.  Hot chicks go to cheap bars too.  In fact, hot chicks are everywhere.

If it’s Crowded I Don’t Go


It used to be that crowded places were the draw.  I mean in college if a bar wasn’t crowded I took off.   Today?  Today crowded just means noisy and taking way too long to get drinks.  Now if I go to a bar it’s to get a nice buzz on and to hang out with friends.   I couldn’t care less if the place were crowded.  In fact, I hate it.

If I Can’t Sit Down, I Don’t Go


I just don’t like bars where I have to stand the whole time.  Honestly it sucks.  If I can’t sit at a table or at least a chair I’m not particularly interested in going to that bar.

If a Drink is Over 10 Bucks, I Don’t Go


This virtually rules out almost all of Manhattan upscale “cool” bars but what the hell do I care?  I’m not spending 10 bucks for a drink let alone 15 anymore.   Seriously that’s unacceptable.   That means I’m spending over 100 bucks with no guarantee I get laid?  No thanks.  And hell I’m married so this doesn’t even apply to me anymore but good Lord.   10 bucks is unacceptable.

If The Bar has a One Word Name or a Number Name, I Generally Don’t Go


There’s only one reason I wrote “generally.”  Sometimes Irish pubs have names like “Paddy’s” or “O’Reilly’s” and I happen to love Irish pubs.  But as a solid rule of thumb, places with names like “Bar 112″ or “Karma” wind up being trendy annoying places that really suck.  No thanks.





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