You know, I didn’t realize it until right now, but it’s alway been my goal to write a post where the headline is someone being attack by a swim noodle. As an event that happened to me routinely as a child, it’s nice to see it making national news for a change. That sounded a lot more twisted than I meant it to.

“Police in Florida said they arrested a man who allegedly dumped water from a swimming noodle onto a woman on the beach…”

What? That’s it? You can arrest someone for that?

“…and punched her in the face.”

Oh, well OK then. But it gets weirder.

“Naples police said the victim was at Lowdermilk Park beach with a friend Thursday and came across a rotting watermelon carved into the shape of the face, which she placed in the water, the Naples Daily News reported Monday. The man, identified as Karl Ludwig Eichner, 68, retrieved the watermelon and placed it back on the beach. The woman came across the water melon a second time and again placed it in the water, police said. Officers said Eichner used a swimming noodle filled with water to dump water on the woman and then punched her in the cheek.”

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?