I’ve watched Toddlers and Tiaras, I know they have beauty pageants for just about everything under the sun. But I really did hope that the Miss Shrimp contest was going to be for actual shrimp. Or at the very least, for very, very tiny girls.

At the Miss Shrimp Festival pageant in Fernandina Beach, Fla., the girls march onstage in brightly colored prom gowns. It’s hard to tell them apart. It’s a blur of big smiles, National Honor Society and so-and-so enjoys going to the beach. By the 10th contestant, people in the audience are turning to their neighbors and asking, “How many girls are in this thing?”

There are 27 girls in this pageant, but like everything else in high school, if you know their reputations, you know who to pay attention to. Even the contestants seem to agree on the two front-runners.

“Emily Garvin. She is pretty much like the Pittsburgh Steelers of the pageant,” says one contestant. “Like, you know she’s going to do good.”

The Miss Shrimp contest even has FRONTRUNNERS? Good lord. Were there ANY shrimp involved in this thing whatsoever? Boring. Moving on.