Apr 19 2011
I am Jewish but I’m not a practicing Jew. If that makes sense to any of you. It means that I go to temple on the high holy days, attend dinners, etc etc when I need to, and observe when I’m forced to. However, I don’t practice as in I rarely fast during Yom Kippur and I eat bread during Passover.
Out of respect to my families I’ll observe in their homes but in general I ain’t too religious a guy. In any event, this week is Passover and many of you folks out there are observing this holiday of thanks for the Jewish people.
But I must say, this holiday has its drawbacks……
You Can’t Eat Bread for a Week
This is by far the worst thing about Passover. Because the Jews, thousands of years ago got the hell out of dodge before their bread could rise, to this day we have to observe thanks by eating unleavened bread. Can’t we do something else? Like go to temple every day or something? Oh wait, practicing Jews do that. You know what I mean though. It’s pretty brutal not eating bread like things for a week. Trust me.
The Bread Substitute is Disgusting
Matzah! Every single Jewish person convinces themselves that they like Matzah during this week. If you really loved Matzah wouldn’t you be eating it all year? Case closed. Matzah is NOT good. Sure a little butter or peanut butter on it makes it tolerable but you’d never choose to eat it at any other time.
As an adult, the fun is gone
When you’re a kid, during the meal there’s all kinds of fun stuff to do. You get to do the four questions. You get to look for the Afikomen (finding Matzah in a little napkin and you get a prize for finding it). As an adult it kind of blows. It’s just eating a meal but the worst thing is that you can’t eat it just yet…..
Too Much Reading before the Meal
If you’re a seriously religious Jew it can take well over 2 hours before eating your meal. On Passover you have to read the Haggadah first. Basically it’s the story of Passover and you have to read the “guide” before you can even start eating. In my family it’s about 45 minutes but it’s still a royal pain.
Even More Uncoachable Stuff