Good lord, I’ve seen some bad duckfaces, but I’m surprised no one actually died of retardation when this was shot. The girl on the left’s lips just look inhuman, which suits the rest of her and she looks like some sort of orange android stuck in the uncanny valley.

And her friend? She’s duckfacing so hard it appears she’s pulled a muscle in her face, and I hope it stays that way to teach her a valuable lesson to everyone who sees her never to make this godawful face again.

Poor kid, not only does he have to spell shit in front of a million people on TV, but they give him the most awkward word imaginable, the Ethiopian-based “negus” that sounds suspiciously like “niggas.”

Thankfully, he doesn’t have a South Park “naggers” moment, and actually spells it right, and he’s actually quite stunned about it himself, as who the hell has ever heard of that?

The weather is getting colder.  I’m getting more pissed.  And as such it’s time to daydream.  It’s time to think of a life that’s a bit more sunny.  A life filled with drinks by the pool.  And let’s not forget girls in bikinis by the pool as well.

Oh come on honey!  I love you in a bikini too.   But seriously.  Come on.  Is it too early for me to be daydreaming about this stuff?  I think not.  No way.  No how.

It’s never to early for sexy poolside girls….

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OK I’m not talking about winning the lottery.  And no I’m not talking about when a Playboy model surprises you at your doorstep waiting to have sex with you.  I’m talking about the little things in life that make us smile.

I’m talking about the kinds of thing that happen every single day.  And they’ve happened to each and ever one of us.  I just wish they’d happen more.  Then again if they happened all the time they would be so special would they?

Here are five common unexpected surprises that brighten up your day….

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Click on the photo for the weirdest searches on relationships

The Internet is taking advantage of your ignorance. All the private questions you posed to Google about sex and relationships are stored and sold to companies who only want to feed you advertisements disguised as answers.

Elena Santarelli is like wow – [Celebslam]

Ukranian Polka band covers Katy Perry – [EgoTV]

Give us a thumbs up will ya? – [Our Facebook Page]

Texas State University cheerleaders party – [Unathletic]

When it’s time for celebrity tail – [Taxidrivermovie] (NSFW Ads)

This is definitely the Tweet of the day – [The DW]

By far the dumbest bottomless pit of all time – [Bits and Pieces]

William Tell likes to shoot melons too – [Attuworld]

Cute video of a dog riding a turtle – [OMG Blog]

Halle Berry kind of gets plastic surgery – [Celebuzz]

20 babies wearing naughty T shirts – [Manofest]

Can you guess whose ass that is? – [Barstool Sports]

Awesome pictures of Star Wars Origami – [Nedhardy]

Two ghetto girls go at it hardcore – [Oncampusdrama]

Anything with Aria Giovanni works for me – [Heyman Hustle]

Here’s why math can be sexy – [Icanhasinternets]

Get a load of these Nintendo butcher meat cuts – [Sublime Blog]

I love the Hottie from the Past segment – [Bullz-Eye]

A nice gallery of hotties in the tub – [Maxim]

Click on the photo for more of Jordana Brewster

I must admit.  I kind of miss Jordana Brewster.  She had her little heyday back in the Fast and Furious movies and I loved her in The Faculty.   I have zero clue what she’s up to now but if she’s looking that good I want to see her on the big screen soon.

Get fast and furious with our Uncoached Facebook Page

The Portfolio

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What else can you say about British women who pose in Nuts Magazine?  I mean that’s what Emma Glover does and that’s what another handful of incredibly delicious British women do.

According to Emma, she’s just trying to “build a good life one at a time.”  Yeah well you’ve certainly built up a body for yourself Emma.  That’s for sure.  Good God.

More of Emma’s body after the jump….

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I can’t tell if she’s shocked she’s doing this for the picture, or if she’s shocked that her daughter has such a good rack. But it would seem to run in the family as she’s doing pretty well herself.

Are there more sisters? Aunts perhaps? I think we need to extend this family photo to other members to see what genetics hath wrought.