. Uncoached - Things the Elderly are Allowed to Do |

Dec 14 2010

Five Things You’re Allowed to Do as an Old Man

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

By no means is getting old fun.  It’s when your body starts to hurt more.  You can’t control yourself as well as you used to.  And frankly the thought of death is a hell of a lot more prevalent than it used to be.

However, there are definitely some cool perks to being old (other than getting discounts).  There are certain “social allowances” that one affords when they get old enough.  They’re not written laws but I think you might agree with these five…..

Sexual Harassment is “Allowed”


If you don’t think it’s allowed then you’re wrong.  Am I saying that an old man can expose himself and jump on a woman in the middle of the day?  No.  But in today’s day and age with pinching buts and all that?  Old men can definitely pull that off.  Most waitresses would think it’s adorable for an old man to flirt.  I guess it depends how far you’d go but there’s a big difference between an old man saying a young woman is cute and a construction worker doing it.

You’re Allowed to Forget Things


You see my plan is to take advantage of senility that I don’t necessarily have.  Like if I have all my faculties well into my 70s and 80s then why not shop lift?  Why not leave the toilet seat up?  I mean come on.  I’ve lived my whole life here.  Might as well try and pull this stuff off and get some excitement while I still can.

Go To the Bathroom anywhere and anytime


They don’t make pampers for people in their 30s but they sure do for the elderly.  I think that’s pretty awesome.  Yes, it’s sad that when you’re older you can’t control your bladder but it’s kind of cool you don’t have to do the pee pee dance anymore.

Drive in Whatever Capacity you Desire


That people over the age of 70 are allowed to carry a driver’s license and not have to get tested every year is a complete mystery to me.  Have you ever seen a really old person drive?  It’s pretty scary.  Imagine someone talking on their phone, texting, and either driving really slow or fast all at the same time.  That’s how old people drive and they don’t carry phones.

Dance Really Weird and It’s Cute


Think about all the funny old men dancing videos out there.  Hell I did a whole post on it yesterday.  These men are perceived as cute.  If I went out and danced like that in public I’d be perceived as a schmuck.





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One response so far

  • G

    You forgot a few,

    - You can legitimately be racist. It’s just silly grandpa being silly grandpa!
    - You get a walking stick which you can use to smack people in the shins with
    - You can ride around on a mobility scooter

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