. Uncoached - Awful Sounds to Hear in the Bathroom |

Dec 07 2010

Five Sounds I Hate to Hear in a Public Bathroom

Published by at 7:20 am under Editorial

I’m one of those people who tries to avoid going in a public bathroom at all costs.  If it’s to take a piss then it’s not that big a deal.  However, if it’s to do more than that?  Well then I’d have to be in some kind of major emergency.

Call it stage fright.  Call it whatever you want.  I just feel like when I’m doing my business I would prefer to do it alone.  Is that such a crime?

In any event, when I do have to unfortunately enter the men’s room, here are five sounds I hate to hear….

The Grunt

Nothing’s more annoying than hearing some dude on the pot who is really trying to squeeze one out.  I mean come on buddy.  And it’s really crappy (no pun intended) when these guys clearly have no qualms about the sounds they’re making.  I mean don’t you know you’re being judged?   It’s kind of like the really skinny guy at the gym whose lifting no weight but screams anyway.

The High Pitched Piss (Coming from me)

I’m not sure there’s scientific proof here but a high pitched stream is generally the sign that you’re “small.”  But what if it’s cold?  What if I’m really uncomfortable?  I hate taking a piss when my stream is very high pitched and the dude next to me could easily fill up Lincoln Center with that bass.  It’s just embarrassing.

A Fart

This is along the same lines as a grunt.   It doesn’t happen often but when you simply can’t hold it on occasion a fart will come out.  Hell it’s even happened to me while taking a piss.  It’s even worse when you hear one coming out of a stall.

Footsteps While I’m Dropping a Deuce

Nothing’s worse than when you’re in the middle of taking a dump and you hear someone walk into the bathroom.  It totally ruins your concentration.  It’s brutal.

Stall Door Right Next to Mine When There’s an Open One

Scenario.  Three Stalls.  You’re all the way to the right and some putz takes the middle one right next to you.  I mean really?  That’s gotta be the worst sound in the world.

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