There are various stages of porn watching.  And the stage I’m in right now is watching “homely” chicks who get naughty.  A perfect candidate for this genre would be Ella Milano.  It’s not that she looks innocent or anything.

It’s just that she looks like the kind of girl who you could get.  Someone who you wouldn’t really think twice about being somewhat “filthy” in situations you would want a female to be filthy in.

Put it this way.  I’m a big fan.  More pics after the jump….

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Gah!

What the hell is wrong with kids today? This is the creepiest thing I’ve seen in quite some time, and I thought it was best to share it with you so you can feel as weirded out as me. The look on that kid’s face is absolutely terrifying, so much so that even the kid next to him looks a bit sad about the whole scenario that’s unfolding. Didn’t kids used to play with stuffed animals instead of slitting their throats? Someone’s been playing too much Hitman.

Side note: That flaming handicapped sticker on the left is thoroughly awesome.

It’s hard to imagine just what the people who made this film were thinking when they made this scene, which features a Motorcycle driving through a wall, a bulletproof snake and a bazooka, all coming together for an amaglam of awfulness.

I’m still trying to piece together exactly what happened here. Did the snake deflect the initial two bullets with its fangs? Is it really just the size of a decently big rattlesnake? Is the explosion from the bazooka really that small? So many questions!

Just watch it for yourself, it’s insane.

I’ve argued this before and I’ll argue it now.  There will be now and forever a humongous list of names for female breasts.  There will be terms like “hand bras” or “sand bras” or whatever other kinds of concoctions that are out there.  One of my current favorites has got to be “side boob.”  The side boob is an excellent term and excellent measuring stick for the quality up there.

It show depth.  And depth my friends is extremely underrated.  Sometimes a good side boob is better than cleavage.  That may be my opinion but cleavage is an easy fix.  Side boobs?  You can’t really alter that all that much.

And if there’s one thing more fun than a plain old side boob, it’s a celebrity side boob…..

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Being a new homeowner is a great thing.   It’s incredibly gratifying to know that you own a house.  That you are paying for it with your own money.  And that with only 360 more payments it will be 100% yours.  But as much as you can anticipate everything that will happen there, nothing is set in stone.

You can’t possibly be prepared for all the little mishaps that will be going on.  The problem is that none of these things ever happened in your new place and it’s a pain in the ass to deal with them.

Here are four annoying “first” in the life of a new homeowner…..

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Click on the photo for the facts on Heavy Facebook Users

Turns out that the hardcore Facebook users out there are a little more narcissistic than even I could have imagined.  If you’re using the site often and updating enough it looks like you just might think about yourself a little too much.  Oh well.

Check out how we think on our Facebook Page

The Tips

Get paid money to make stupid photoshop pictures – [Cracked]

Huge gallery of “then and now” Rock star pictures – [EgoTV]

The real truth on sports – [Unathletic]

When it’s time for celebrity slippage – [Taxidrivermovie] (NSFW Ads)

The amazing paddock girls of MotoGP 2010 – [Nuts]

Twenty classic movie farts in 2 minutes – [Attuworld]

Five comedy podcasts that you should be listening to – [Top Cultured]

Ridiculous mustaches that guys should support – [Guyism]

A gallery of completely stupid looking hipsters – [Nedhardy]

All you can really do is just stare at her – [Askmen]

Playboy is releasing new pics of Kim Kardashian – [Regretfulmorning]

Pretty cool art picture of a humanize South Park – [The DW]

Shauna Sand had a three day birthday bash – [Heyman Hustle]

Arrested Development meets the Simpsons – [Icanhasinternets]

More pics than you can handle of Vida Guerra – [Don Chavez]

Leia is the latest featured model to hit the site – [Bullz Eye]

Can you guess where Coco’s thong went? – [Cityrag]

Eleven very strange fortune cookie fortunes – [Banned in Hollywood]

Click on the photo for more girls of summer

Summer is coming to a major close.  People are back at work, the weather is starting to cool off and perverts like myself are becoming more and more depressed that there’s no more skin on display.  I’m gonna go burrow until next summer.  Bye.

Read my thoughts and questions at Uncoached’s Facebook Page

The Portfolio

Imagine for a second that you see an ad in the paper and it reads something like this:  “Seeking really ugly people.  We have a layout coming up that is featuring the most disgusting looking people in all of Britain.  If you think you qualify then please send a photo and we’ll decide how ugly you are.”

I mean seriously.  How crappy does that feel?  Making a living because you’re hideous?  Not cool.  But here they are.  There are people out there that make a living based on being ugly.

And so, here are 10 really ugly British models…..

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So we all know about the awesome trend of bringing sexiness into workouts by integrating a strip pole into exercise. But I didn’t realize there was a counter trend, as some are trying to bring workouts into sexiness, and take the hotness out of pole dancing all together.

Such is the case with the Miss Pole Dance Canada competition, which has a rather unfortunate set of rules.

The 2010 Miss Pole Dance Canada will be crowned next weekend — with no g-strings, nudity or provocative gestures, the event organizer says.

Morris says the pole will eventually be de-sexualized at the gym.

“There will be a day when people see the pole as a fitness tool,” said Morris, who caused a flap when she offered pole-dance workouts to children this summer.

There is so much badness going on in those few sentences, I barely know where to start. Why would you want to take the sexiness out of pole dancing? Why would you have kids do pole dancing instead of ANYTHING ELSE?

I don’t even want to watch this pageant anymore.

Buuut I probably will.